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Dungeons and Dadbods - A Newbie GM's Hopeless Flailing

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Fhanados, Jun 7, 2019.

  1. Fhanados

    Fhanados Well-Known Member

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    Helloooo Lustrians!

    I had no idea where to put this, so General Chat seems good enough. Recently a friend and I decided to delve into the fantastical realms of Dungeons and Dragons! There is so much lore and background and established campaigns it seemed like an amazingly rich and detailed world to explore... So we said "nah screw that" and made up our own super-basic generic fantasy world. So far it's just me and him trying to get to grips with the game mechanics. We haven't delved into combat at all yet and we have both decided that magic is banned until I know what the heck I'm doing!

    The adventures are "documented" by an outside observer, but for a bit of insight it begins with Dumbo the Chaotic Good Dwarf Rogue (he inexplicably let my daughter pick the name) who was exiled from the local Dwarf Hold for yet-to-be-named reasons (probably for rolling so damn well during character creation!). He starts in the town of Threestone, a pretty generic mid-size European medieval fantasy type place. It's market season and there are lots of out-of-towners about. He gets mixed up in some kind of shady dealings with an inn-keeper who's convinced him that a local noble, Gregory the Generous, is not all he's cracked up to be.

    A Diary of Adventure, Memoires of an Observer

    Part 1
    'Tis the 709th year of the Total Unwavering Dominion of The Leones Bloodline, 100th anniversary since the departure of the Daemanican Separatists from our Glorious Kingdoms. I reside in the town of Three-Stone in the most North-Western reaches of the Dominion. Curiously no Barony, Princedom or Kingdom has yet laid claim to these lands, though I can tell why. The region itself is fertile and habitable enough, but isolated. A great forest separates it from the nearest Barony Cannes Dale to the Southeast, and to the direct south there is nought but wretched peat marshes and swamplands. Dividing the pleasant realm in which I reside from the frigid seas to the North are a mountain range. Steep and rugged cliffs on the seaward side make it nigh impossible to traverse fully, yet I see no reason why one would. The slightest breeze from the northwinds is like a dagger of ice in my blood, I am glad that they rarely crest the range and descend into the township.

    I had fully intended on continuing my journey West to inspect the curious ruins and venture to the realms beyond - for it seems nobody has thought to travel that way despite it being on one of the roads that gives this town it's name - but I have come across a curiosity that I simply cannot let pass me by. It is the market festival season and there are a great many merchants both noble and common that have emerged from the surrounding realm to ply their wares in Three-Stone. Folk of all kinds are here, though mostly human. One has stood out to me: a roguish Dwarf by the name of Dûm'Bö (though for some reason he prefers the pronunciation "Dumbo").

    Although we have not formally met, I am in awe of his endeavours. As an Observer I have done my duty, and have seen many oddities in his behaviour. I saw him swindle Alchemist Malkamus in the marketplace then spend near an hour examining the footstone out the front of the Inn (granted it is a curiosity, which I shall make note of in the Appendix for this entry). He is a boisterous chap, and now seemingly in the employ of the somewhat shady proprietor of said inn.

    He was given some manner of task which took him to the temporary lodgings of Lord Gregory the Generous in the Merchant district. He evaded the guards (somewhat drunkenly) and proceeded to deceive the establishment into believing he was an entertainer for the event! I'll not delve too deeply into his actions with Lord Gregory's elder sister, but let us say from my perch across the street I saw some.... things... through yon window that shall haunt me til my deathbed. From there he arm wrestled a Household guard into submission, convinced THEM to grand him audience with Lord Gregory, challenge the old man to a game of wits and then drunkenly WIN and inebriate the poor chap beyond reason with the very tonic he stole from Malkamus! AND THEY LET HIM LEAVE!

    As I write this now the Dwarf lies sleeping off his ale in a mound of townsfolk's refuse down an alleyway. After bribing some town peacekeepers mind you...

    He is truly unique, a chaotic oddity in such a law-abiding and ordered people. I have heard him insist that he is good, but I shall have to see if his actions back up his word.

    Malkamus' Potion: A curious red potion. Initially taken for a Health potion of some kind, it clearly was not. When mixed with some other elements it became highly intoxicating. Dumbo drank some untainted potion with no ill effect. Or so it seems...

    The Inn's Footstone: An odd black stone, completely unworn by the ages or by the many footsteps that have passed over it. Nothing like it has been encountered by the Dwarf.

    Gregory's Pocketbook: A small pocket-sized notebook containing what seems to be deranged ramblings on an alternate history.
    Aginor and LizardWizard like this.
  2. Fhanados

    Fhanados Well-Known Member

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    So we had our second session a bit over a week ago. My memory is a tad hazy (partly due to time, partly due to beer...) but things basically went down like this...

    A new player joined and rolled a Human Rogue who's a kind of steampunk pirate captain type thing, but who inexplicably used Dexterity as his dump stat. Dumbo the dwarf returned to the bar from the previous session to report back to the innkeeper, who was suspiciously absent. It was at the bar where the two characters meet and some rather... lets say "overly friendly" dialogue occurred between the two. This went on for an awkwardly long time until some guards burst through the door. Immediately Dumbo said to me "I draw my axe and attack the guards", and thus began a ridiculous and long combat where a whole lot of nothing happened but everyone ended up horribly injured.

    Dumbo declared he was spinning around with his axe to try and "whirlwind" the guards. Given he's a lvl1 Rogue with no such ability he failed to do any damage and just got dizzy. Guards proceeded to stab him repeatedly with spears until he was on 1HP.

    The steampunk captain (I forgot his name... great DM I am!) drew his rapier and constantly failed to do anything for several rounds before getting a lucky few hits on a guard. Eventually one guard was reduced to 1HP and I declared he was on the ground bleeding and crawling away from the combat. The captain declared he was going to stomp on the guard's head and rolled a natural 20, splattering the poor guy's head into the pavement.

    At this point even though one guard is down the party is dangerously close to death so I decided to try and force them out of combat... by adding more guards! Dumbo was grappled by two fumbling law enforcers and placed in manacles. The pirate captain wanted to continue the fight but fortunately was convinced that would only end in death.

    The two are arrested and have their gold confiscated. The captain has hidden his coin purse in his behind, which was somewhat roughly removed by the well-lubricated fist of the law! The leader of the guards offered them freedom in exchange for their help - the innkeeper had been implicated in a number of crimes and the town guard needed the help of an insider to bring him down. They reluctantly accepted the offer, and were released.

    Upon release they went to the market. Realising they had no money Dumbo suggested stealing from the Alchemist. They failed horribly.

    After that they obtained (stole) a boat from a fisherman to head downriver to the seaside town that has yet to be named - a smugglers haven and last known whereabouts of the shady innkeeper.
    Workschmock likes this.
  3. pendrake
    Skink Priest

    pendrake Well-Known Member

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    An Unnamed Seaside Haven
    • Bollingenfjord
    • Schonenwerd
    • Andermuenster
    • Oeschtenzee
    • Neuveville
    • Burgensdock
    • Brionenhavn
    • Lungernsee
    • Einennburgen
    • Bondinford
    • Llanberis
    • Carisford
    • Chelmsbrooke
    • Miltonford
    • Benfleet
    • Newstead
    • Straitford
    • Abyrdovyn
    • Bowesford
    • Brindleport
    • Jarrowferd
    • Helstonroad
    • Hulldweth
    • Einsiedeln
    • Llanbergris
    • Berkhamstead
    • Strathford
    • Aberdocks
    • Northamptony
    • Midlamport
    • Strettonhull
    • Ravenstead
    • Watforglass
    I played around with a random name spitting webpage. Maybe there is one in that lot that will suit.
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2019

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