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Army Fluff Kcibrihp-Esurc's Temple City

Discussion in 'Fluff and Stories' started by Kcibrihp-Esurc, Dec 4, 2014.

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What do you think of my Fluff Piece?

  1. Brilliant

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. Good

    6 vote(s)
    85.7%
  3. Ish

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  4. Bad

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  5. Very Bad

    0 vote(s)
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  6. I should go shoot myself for writing such doggerel

    1 vote(s)
    14.3%
  1. Kcibrihp-Esurc
    Kroxigor

    Kcibrihp-Esurc Well-Known Member

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    Okay well I have been inspired by the Lizardmen of Klorodex (Thank you Scalenex) and so I am giving my Lizardmen a Kahoun (Thank you again Scalenex)

    My Kahoun is similar to The Dragon Isles

    Pre-Esurciverse Events:
    The Island is known as Kaixilixapati, bearer of the Settlement Cuaqtla, named by the one who prevented it's fall: Goqtli (GOCK-TLI), a Slann of the third generation, long forgotten by all but his fellows. The skinks of the island are even more militant than those of the Southlands as the Spawning Pools of the Saurus, while they have produced more great warriors than any others to date, this blessing came with a drawback, the Pools never produce Ordinary Saurus though it has sporadically produced spawnings of Saurus with sacred markings since Goqtli arrived. The Skinks of this city revere the Beasts of the Jungle more than any other, the more fierce, the more revered in fact the Carnosaurs and Ripperdactyls are the holiest creatures, overshadowing even the Troglodon in importance to the point that the Skinks have eschewed the normal Terradons in favour of their savage counterpart -The Ripperdactyl- in fact the easiest way to become a Skink Chief of the highest rank is to tame a wild one, this of course contributes to rather high fatality rates amongst the skinks but those that survive their grievous wounds are some of the fiercest warriors. Goqtli is trying to establish communication with Lustria but so far it seems something is blocking his attempts, whether this is a malign influence or another Slann is immaterial, the fact is that someone -or something doesn't want them back on the playing field, in fact Goqtli suspects Mazdamundi of this, as he is the only Mage-Priest he knows with both enough power and gall to try...

    Origins:
    "When the Slann of the Second Generation sundered the original continent into several smaller parts massive earthquakes shook the entire world, which had never before been forced to cope with the titanic forces such as the Slann's Mystical power, this was mainly directed to creating mountains by the Slann but some of the power still shook the more separated parts of the world, meaning that a small piece of Lustria which would have been doomed to a watery grave was saved, but only a few inches above sea level for the most part, although the mountain still towered high above sea level, and so most of the creatures perished, washed away to sea if they didn't outrun the tides, This would have been it's fate if chance hadn't brought four Slann's attention to it, it would serve as a bastion for the Lizardmen to store secret knowledge, and so Lord Mazdamundi, Lord Zhul, Goqtli and Zlatbris all of whom were Slann raised the Island up out of the World Pond with high craggy cliffs with four passes through them down to calm harbours with a basin in the centre they made a Kahoun built into the old volcanic bedrock, The Slann also to make the island easier and safer to traverse made the rock have even more caverns than usual and built their Vaults and made the spawning pools, and because each Slann had other responsibilities on the mainland they took turns to watch over this city for a century each and the other three would split the fourth's responsibility amongst themselves

    This group always had differences amongst themselves, Goqtli would have one opinion, Mazdamundi and Zhul having an opposing one and Zlatbris tried to calm both groups down, to this day those that are living still bear grudges about arguments lost

    It was on the 12th cycle of four while Zlatbris was on the Island, that the Great Catastrophe struck and Daemons swarmed them just like all the rest.

    If it was any other Slann's cycle it might have been different but Zlatbris was the least skilled of them all in magic and had already used most of his power defending the city from the massive surge of energy and he was overwhelmed, after massacring the inhabitants the Daemons left to join the Swarm of Itza, Believing victory was assured they decided to leave and raze the city later.

    Of course the great warding was cast and the city was saved, in a sense but without anyone to guide the next spawning they became barbaric and worshiped the beasts around them, for their cunning, savagery, strength, endurance etc.

    Goqtli wanted to go back and start bringing them back to a civilized state and claim the Vaults again but Zhul and Mazdamundi opposed him because "The Daemons would have defiled the plaques even if they didn't raze the city, which they probably did" or "There are too few Slann for us to risk either of you" in the end Goqtli went anyway and the Slann have never heard of him since, Zhul died so if he did no one will ever know but Mazdamundi has, and is making sure no one else does..."

    Goodness! Look how far we've come!
    Thank you to all the faithful readers I have had, I never would have come as far as I have if it wasn't for you all!
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2016
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  2. Scalenex
    Skink Priest

    Scalenex Keeper of the Indexes Staff Member

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    I prefer the term lesser Temple Cities. Temple Town or Temple Village sounds silly. Though we can invent a Saurian word for smaller Temple City. Maybe "Kahoun." That's a loose derivative of the Saurian words for "small" and "revered."

    Excellent start for your city's fluff. I kind of wish the name didn't have an apostrophe, since I think they are overused in fantasy writing, but I really like the holy flyer angle you are running with.
     
  3. spawning of Bob
    Skar-Veteran

    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

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    B'ob and J'oe (and Skillful D'an) must disagree with Scalenex about the apostrophes.

    Anyway, you can be sister cities with Los'tmabo'tl if you want.





    [crickets]






    Fine.

    You, Mazdamundi and Scalenex of Malodorex will be the first with your backs against the wall when the masses rise.

    Viva la Revolution!
     
  4. latenightswords
    Skink

    latenightswords New Member

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    oh, awesome! I myself am working on the lore of my army (in which the Lizardmen portion originates from the Dragon Isles) so it's great so see another take on it. looks good so far!
     
  5. Kcibrihp-Esurc
    Kroxigor

    Kcibrihp-Esurc Well-Known Member

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    The Ulha'up is an actual Slann mentioned in the 7th ed. Rulebook on the Slann page

    Also SoB
    Los'tmabo'tl?
    Lost My Bottle?
    REALLY?

    Also Scalenex I'm not saying that you have to, but it would be much appreciated if you include my city in your next fluff piece , after all in legacies the city of Klorodex 'obtained' multiple sea worthy boats, so he could sail over to here.
     
  6. Scalenex
    Skink Priest

    Scalenex Keeper of the Indexes Staff Member

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    Tolkien didn't use excess apostrophes that I'm aware of. I have a generally low opinion of the GW fluff writers. My friends and I have determined that WHF base fluff is written on the level of a bright high schooler. There are clever factions and historical analogies. There are clever new items side by side with clear Tolkien rip-offs. There are well thought out Elven names and cheap pun names. There is decent intrigue and toilet humor. GW has one character, Malekith named straight from Norse Mythology. It also has a dead frog named Kroak, and an aviator named Tik'Taq'To for no reason. Therefore borrowing GW names directly is risky.

    The thing that bothers me about apostrophes is it only shows up in written works because no one knows how to pronounce it. Is it a click? A pause? No one knows. I'm pretty sure whichever writer pulled Uha'up out of a mystery orifice never intended or expected the name to be said out loud. Apostrophe's just a way to make something look exotic without putting any thought into it. Except for Bob. I figure you used apostrophes in a parodist manner. Any weird word needs to shown phonetically (fo-a-net-ic-cal-lee).

    I’ve played enough RPGs to know if you name a city "Tayesi’rolik’bel" players will just refer to it as that “Elven city” or they will adopt a mocking name like Tasty Rolls. A name that is going to be used" alot should be easy to pronounce, thus making it easier to remember. Even if the character is a throwaway character, they shouldn't have a complex name because that gives away they are a throwaway character (at least for me because I like to kill everyone).

    Skink Priests and Slann Priests should have more complex names than most rank and file Lizardmen because they SHOULD be slightly less relate-able, but the names should be relatively straight forward to pronounce.

    Rant over.
     
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  7. spawning of Bob
    Skar-Veteran

    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

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    Hee hee!

    We got Scalenex to rant!

    I use apostrophes to camouflage what would otherwise be dreadfully obvious puns, to exoticize otherwise bland English names (B'ob, D'an) and when not using them would make the pun impossible (run a few words together and you get the vowels starting to interact: The End becomes Theend) My LM names are meant to be read out loud.

    As for pronunciation, I treat them as an unemphasized neutral vowel sound which separates syllables. D'an becomes "Duh-an", Taisteslaikch'ken does the same "...chuh-ken" used here because there is no way to put the word "chicken" in the middle of another word without it leaping off the page and pecking you in the eye.

    And yes, Lost my Bottle. You are the first to comment after the name has had at least a year of hard use.

    -Sigh-

    Genius is under-appreciated in its own time.
     
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  8. Kcibrihp-Esurc
    Kroxigor

    Kcibrihp-Esurc Well-Known Member

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    I would have thought it would be pronounced Ul-ha-up
    Sorry if the name annoyed you
     
  9. spawning of Bob
    Skar-Veteran

    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

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    No no, Esurc, The only reason some of us keep posting IS to annoy Scalenex.

    I have a secret list of things that set him off. We just light him up and then pour on more petrol.

    Anyhow, Stinky will always give honest feedback, but then he (like practically everyone else here) will say "but do it how you want. It's fluff there are no rules." and then we just enjoy your different creative slant.

    In the same spirit, here comes the fluff critique:

    Spawning pools are the works of the old ones. They are beyond the Slann to create, control or even predict. That doesn't mean that they couldn't have placed a few secret ones, or some were forgotten and rediscovered.

    I like that it was almost lost as a side effect of terraforming. That is pretty cool. That Slann tried to preserve it shows impressive autonomy (remembering that the Old Ones were still aboutand that it must therefore be irrelevant to the great plan.) Now you have really impressive unnatural geography to suit future stories.

    Stinky provides Slann conflict with great plan based differences. The same could be true for Cuaqtla. An old world beach head is vital! No, you are an idiot!
    I have avoided Slann conflict to date, but I lean towards them all being so introverted that they are generally unaware what everyone else is on a different track. Truly world ending threats will get them talking.

    Stinky deals with Slann communication on Lustria with terradon messengers etc. The only contact to southland is a telepathic thingy.
    I say Geomantic Web connected Slann are in telepathic contact. They assume they are alone. I know different.

    Ulha'up was pretty disobedient, Mazdamundi might have cut him off. Or is there another faction who desire your island? I hope to find out some time...
     
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  10. Kcibrihp-Esurc
    Kroxigor

    Kcibrihp-Esurc Well-Known Member

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    Ah... but Bob you've got to see the big picture: Mazdamundi doesn't like Ulha'up at all but he would want a defendable beachhead against Chaos
    But at the same time, how many races would want a stop point between Lustria, The Southlands and The Old World?
    Hmm... The Norse, The Empire, The Dark Elves, The Ogre Kingdoms probably, The Skaven, The Dwarves would want the minerals the volcanic rock would provide, The Warriors of Chaos would love it, The Daemons would just kill everything, Vampire Counts would build up an army there, and Beastmen/Orcs & Goblins would just kill and eat them all.
    High Elves are already in the same position, the Brettonnians don't bother with that sort of thing and the Wood Elves wouldn't either so Mazdamundi is trying to avoid having a 2nd Generation Slann oppose him on the side of Klorodex while figuring out how to get to it before his enemies do and also seeing how he could cover up any unfortunate misunderstandings with the locals while Merestar has seaworthy boats Mazdamundi doesn't so now he's going to have a rather hot potato :bored:
     
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  11. spawning of Bob
    Skar-Veteran

    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

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    Great!

    I knew there would be a simple answer.
     
  12. Kcibrihp-Esurc
    Kroxigor

    Kcibrihp-Esurc Well-Known Member

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    Of course Bob! Now your getting it! :D
     
  13. Scalenex
    Skink Priest

    Scalenex Keeper of the Indexes Staff Member

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    'Some of us.' Are you using the royal plural now? You are alone Bob, so very alone.

    I got me two fanfiction writers now! In your fa’ce Bob!

    There is no doubt at all.
     
  14. Kcibrihp-Esurc
    Kroxigor

    Kcibrihp-Esurc Well-Known Member

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    If any new readers are confused by the quotes and previous mentioning's of "Ulha'up" it is because I edited it so previous comments are sort of obsolete (I took most of them to heart (Most that weren't Bob's) so the piece has evolved to be more readable and have less GW influence)
     
  15. Kcibrihp-Esurc
    Kroxigor

    Kcibrihp-Esurc Well-Known Member

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    Man it's been a while! I edited out the references to @Scalenex because the Esurciverse has expanded far beyond it's original ideas!
    Happy 2nd Anniversary of the Esurciverse!
    I would like to thank all the people who have read my pieces for the longest time!
    @spawning of Bob , @Scalenex , @Bowser , @tom ndege , @Warden , @Slanputin and @RoseThorn and any other readers who I missed... (Oops just in case... @NIGHTBRINGER )
    Thank you!

    EDIT Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of you!
    (Unless you don't like Christmas, then... Happy Holidays? Enjoy the Christmas sales depending on the traffic?)
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2016
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