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Army Fluff Tziruzitza's prologue

Discussion in 'Fluff and Stories' started by Tziruzitza, Dec 7, 2015.

  1. Kcibrihp-Esurc
    Razordon

    Kcibrihp-Esurc Well-Known Member

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  2. spawning of Bob
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    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

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    See? I do deserve all the respect you give me.
     
  3. tom ndege
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    tom ndege Well-Known Member

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    Interesting stories... I like the idea, that the slann is kinda training his skink's minds by letting them decipher some plaques like they used to in the old world... Good job!
     
  4. Tziruzitza
    Skink

    Tziruzitza Member

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    Thanks! I like to take off-hand comments in the fluff and make my own off-hand comments about them, to see where they lead... In this case, it's the "innate ability to decipher the Slann's cryptic thoughts". Does that mean they'd get bored without it? Don't know... yet :)

    (Re the derailing, @Kcibrihp-Esurc and @Bob, don't worry about it - I started it, I think, by asking the question about what I was missing!)
     
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  5. spawning of Bob
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    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

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    My threshold for "a little less info is better" is if the info is enough to justify an interesting character arc in the story, or doesn't add much that couldn't just come out in the story or a line of random dialogue.

    With his permission, I did a review of @Kcibrihp-Esurc 's dramatis personae (or whatever the plural of that is) to check for examples of character backgrounds which seemed right to me, and ones which gave away more than needed. Note that hindsight is a wonderful thing, and that I made this assessment long after reading the whole story arc.

    In the strange alliances character list, I think Tzaqor and Uexhadin are about right and Ayltenq is too much. The doomed house guard didn't make it through to the final edit. I think his name was Redshirtus, but with Esurc, who can tell? Come back Ardaris, you were so young....
     
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  6. Tziruzitza
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    Tziruzitza Member

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    I think I agree with you on the threshold, to be honest. I'm writing Tziruzitza's "origin" at the moment, and in retrospect I see exactly what you meant; it will lose a bit of impact for anyone who's read her bio (hence why I've retroactively spoilered the bio's...).

    Lesson given, lesson learned - thanks! :)
     
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  7. Slanputin
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    Slanputin Well-Known Member

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    Aww, thanks :cat: he may re-appear ;)*

    *and he may most likely not - I did have plans but...well...life

    @Tziruzitza I agree with Bob on this one - use gendered pronouns. I also contemplated using the 'it' as it suited the sexless background of the Lizardmen, however in terms of writing it a) alienates the audience from the character than using "he" or "she", and b) can become confusing when you have multiple its, some of which may be events, objects, or other "things" which interact with the characters. Essentially, a gendered pronoun helps to avoid the guessing game of "which it is it?" The ancient Greeks used "he" when in reference to anyone/humanity in general as a grammatical device, so I wouldn't worry about taking a leaf from their book (side topic: interesting article here on how ancient Greek gender in grammar affects biblical translation).

    I enjoyed it overall, now I'm just awaiting the forthcoming stories!

    @spawning of Bob more on this female Slann please. Sounds like an interesting gateway into exploring pre-cataclysm fluff



     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2015
  8. spawning of Bob
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    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

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    Now I am sure you are just messing with us.
     
  9. Tziruzitza
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    Tziruzitza Member

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    Thanks, @Slanputin, for both the advice and compliment! You won't have to wait too long, hopefully - story one, part one is just waiting for a final read-through :)

    @spawning of Bob, would I do that? ;)
     
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