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Fiction An AOS Story: Return of the Feathered Serpent

Discussion in 'Fluff and Stories' started by Sudsinabucket, Apr 20, 2021.

  1. Sudsinabucket
    Skink Chief

    Sudsinabucket Well-Known Member

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    Hey everyone!

    So, I'm not a great writer, but I do enjoy the write from time to time. I decided to write my first longer story awhile ago (and stick with it!) about my Seraphon, in particular about my Slann. Up until this point my Slann has been MIA in my fluff, this is due to the poison running through his body and essentially being stuck in a coma. I however want to expand on him and my Seraphon a bit, so this is a part of that. This story will focus on him, my star seer, a skink, and the surrounding events in my homebrew valley in Ghyran.

    I'll be doing this chapter by chapter, it may take me a while as I am a slow writer, but I think it'll be a fun story to follow :) Each chapter I am aiming for around 10 pages (roughly 5500 words), which for me is a lot.

    really looking forward to sharing this with all of you, and I hope you like it. Thoughts are welcome, just please be gentle :)

    Happy Reading
     
  2. Sudsinabucket
    Skink Chief

    Sudsinabucket Well-Known Member

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    Return of the Feathered Serpent

    Act I

    Darkness. Frigid space. Worlds unexplored. The mind of Ka’Rapixca wandered deep into the cosmos, further still into the void, searching for salvation. Even in his meditative state, the powerful wizard could feel the poison working through him, albeit slowly as his magic battled the magically laced concoction. As his mind began to focus again more on the siege of his physical form, the Slann heard sinister laughter; the laughter of one who had breached the mind of the powerful mage-priest. Nearly 100 years have passed since the Lustrated Temple Host settled in the Lustrare River Valley in Ghyran, and for nearly 700 years the great Slann Ka’Rapixca has been motionless on his palanquin. No attempts at reviving him, or curing the poison that courses through his veins were successful. Even the fabled Tak’to with his affinity with the powerful lustrum node, which cleanses the most tainted of chaos beasts, had no effect.

    In that time the temple host has flourished in the river valley, under the guidance of the Ancient Star Seer Itzli-Citalli, building many roadways that connect the valley: providing an abundance of trade and security for those dwelling within the valley. Outsiders learning of the valley’s relative safety, a chance for grand opportunities, and exotic wears began to travel to the valley in great numbers. Great Temples of learning, in particular the Temples of Tepok and Metzlitlaco, have even opened up to trusted warmblood magic users. Enlightening these trusted warm-bloods with spells, wisdom, and ancient histories they could not learn elsewhere, though many secrets remain hidden. With the knowledge shared, the alliances within the river valley grew stronger, the strength it would need for the chaotic storm growing outside the mountain walls of the valley.

    As the powers of the Lustrare River Valley brace for a war they knew would come, Ka’Rapixca of the Third Spawning battles his own trials in the dreamscape of his mind. As the magically laced poison works through his body, the focus of the amphibious mage shifts to the physical and loses sight of any small cracks waiting to be exploited. A hidden trap is sprung as a greater daemon of Slaanesh and another breaks the fabric between one plane and another, entering the mind of the unsuspecting Slann.


    Heavy controlled breathing, claws digging into the dirt as the skink ran, faster and faster with no time to take a breath, Kuto sprinted towards the capital of Tlacopan. Behind him in the distance billowing smoke rose higher and higher into the shrinking clear sky, slowly choking out the light of Hysh. The skinks green with orange marked scales brushed past ash which fell from the sky, the smoke of burning sweet cherry blossom produced a sweet smokey scent that hid the blood scent behind him. As he ran south towards the forest in front of him Kuto tried to wrap his head around what had just happened, how had the Skaven and Maggotkin planned such an assault unnoticed? Behind him the noise of carnage propelled him forward, the smell of blood and death slowly mixing with the previously mouthwatering smoke. In the direction of the settlement behind him, Taki’to, he could hear all sorts of noise, roars, and screams alike, Stegadon and Carnosaur calls piercing through the chaotic noise; The Temple City and fortress had been overtaken.

    Slowly the joined forces of Skaven and Nurgle had fought for and took each cobbled road of Taki’to, but not without a price. Saurus, kroxigor, even the smallest skink fought in defense of their temple city, where one Seraphon fell, three invaders also fell. Battlelines of temple guards wrestled with the elite Skaven and Nurgle forces as fearsome Kroxigor battled with rat ogres and other monstrosities of the twisted Skaven creations. Human settlers formed spear walls and shot arrows into the skies, in an attempt to help the wavering saurian army, but to no avail. Soon after the humans entered the battle, a large sinkhole formed beneath them by grotesque burrowing worm-rat hybrids, those not crushed by the fall were dragged away, their screams snuffed out soon after. A last desperate charge of panicked Stegadons did little to halt the assault, as Skaven teams of ratling guns, Jezzails, and Warp Lightning Cannons laid waste to the whole herd, many mutilated beyond recognition. It was at this time that the last standing skink alpha, upon seeing Star Priest Xo’Tolac fall, turned to Kuto and told him to run, run to Tlacopan and warn High Star Seer Itzli-Citlalli. With a crazed call, the alpha and those skinks and Saurus left charged the rushing wave of clanrats and plaguebearers.

    “Run to Tlacopan, warn High Star Seer Itzli-Citlalli", the words kept repeating in the skink’s mind, not looking back to the last stand of Taki’to, Kuto disappeared into the forest. With no culchans able to bear him, he ran, for many miles he ran with the noise of slaughter fading behind him, out of the cherry blossom grove and into the mighty Redwood forest to the south. The forest around him began to close in as the trees became bigger and older, instead of the dying screams of ancient reptiles and spawnlings, Kuto heard the song of the birds in the canopy, the calls from a herd of Parasauradons and the flow of the great river. Even in the peace of the forest, his mind raced, it raced even faster than his legs were carrying him, as his muscles strained from keeping up with a sprint pace. Pushing brush and branches to the side, Kuto breaks into a clearing but immediately stops when the image of a Skaven scouting party coming out ahead of him catches his eye. The group of seven hadn’t noticed him, but he knew it was only a matter of time if he did not reach the safety of the forest.

    Already in the clearing, the skink tries to slowly back into the forest covering, Kuto looking at the group decided, by how healthy the Skaven looked, that it was one leader, three clanrats, and the rest slaves; their bodies matted and sickly compared to the others. Making his steps slow and deliberate, the skink makes it mere feet from the forest brush. Just as he steps back one of the Skaven slaves turns around, seeing the skink it lets out a scream and points, “There-there! Seraphon! Skink! Get-get!”, to which the leader turns and screams the same, but then immediately turns to the slave who cried out first and began to beat and bite him, the other five began charging at Kuto. Now with pursuers after him Kuto turns and runs, only looking back once to see how close the Skaven were, too close he thought to himself.

    Pushing harder and harder, his legs beginning to strain and cramp Kuto swipes away one last branch before the ground changed from solid to very loose mud until he realized it wasn’t just mud but quicksand. Too late to stop, the skink found himself already knee-deep and slowly sinking with each tug to free himself. With no branches to grasp, the skink pulls from his belt his blowpipe, and from the same area loads a dart; minutes later he could hear the chattering and laughter of his Skaven pursuers. Hardening his resolve Kuto looks into the surrounding brush, looking for any changes or movement, nothing catches his eye but every few moments a Skaven taunts the skink with a laugh or by throwing a rock from an unseen location. One Skaven breached the cover of the tall grass and big leafy plants that surrounded the quicksand pit, in a moment Kuto let loose the dart from his weapon, only missing by a fraction of a second allowing the Skaven to rush back into the forest. Frustrated and beginning to panic, Kuto begins to struggle more with the quicksand, only hastening his slow descent into the liquid mud.

    At that moment the rush of panic ceased as Kuto noticed that the forest around him, including the Skaven had gone eerily quiet. Looking around, he saw no movement, not even birds were in the trees.

    “No-no, not this one, no!” a Skaven shriek came from the skinks left, and then silence. Kuto began to panic again but still fought his instinct to run, knowing it would further make him sink.

    I do not want to be here, the skink thought to himself as he desperately looked for any tool to find him salvation, but as before not even a low hanging vine to reach for. Suddenly a burst of conflict erupted from the far side of the pit, though he could not see it Kuto could hear the struggle as a Skaven cursed, and the sound of weapons striking another. His attention focused on the fight in front of him, he failed to notice the Skaven slave sneaking up behind him, carrying a crude spear the Skaven began to poise his weapon to strike. Snap a twig snaps under the weight of the slave, Kuto whips around but too late, in the Skaven’s panic it thrust forward its spear. Though not finding its intended mark, instead the speartip struck the skink in the arm, making him drop his blowpipe. The Skaven draws back his spear, craze-eyed with a mouth of twisted and rotting teeth lets out a sickly scream as he brings the spear down to bear upon the chest of Kuto. Bracing for impact, and his coming death, Kuto raises his good arm in a feeble defense, but in the time that he should have felt a sharp jab, he felt nothing. Am I dead? He asked himself with his arm raised and eyes shut, but Hysh’s light still bore down on him, as he opened his eyes, he saw the Skaven with a javelin through its skull. Turning and searching he saw nothing, then another scream from behind him, the Skaven commander on all fours burst through the clearing, and then a long-curled tail like a whip caught him by the ankle and began dragging him back. The commander clawed into the moist soil, a look of terror, and back into the forest as if the forest consumed him, a scream and then silence.

    Heart racing, mind trying to process what just happened, Kuto again began to struggle against the quicksand, but now up to his waist. For moments he heard nothing from the forest around him, and then from nowhere in front of him appeared what had killed the Skaven, a set of Chameleon Skinks; one dark green with orange stripes, the other albino. The stuck skink lets out a huge sigh of relief and lets out what could only be a laugh in the form of chirps.

    “Am I glad to see you two! I thought I was going to be Skaven food, and cooked in warpstone!” excitedly Kuto began to talk nervously, all the while the two chameleons looked unamused, and possibly offended by such chatter, noise only brought danger from their experience. Breaking from its stationary pose, one of the chameleons walked next to a tree where a large branch had fallen and pulled it over to the pit. Sliding it across the ground, the chameleon, with his eyes looking every direction, got it close enough to Kuto that he could grab on. After taking some time to free the skink from the suction of the quicksand, the three were all on solid ground, quickly moving south and Kuto couldn’t help but smile at his luck.


    Stopping abruptly the pair of chameleons turn to face Kuto,

    “Report, what happens in Taki’to?” the dark green

    Chameleon asks, its voice deeper than expected, raspy even.

    “Yes, Taki’to, happens there what? Smoke seen high, we were sent” the second Chameleon chimed in, its albino skin shining a slight pink in the sun, Kuto looking confused at the second skink gasped in acknowledgment when realizing what they meant. Catching his breath slightly, and holding his bleeding arm, Kuto explains what he saw,

    “I was on the northern frontier in the Green Ridge Pass, just past the cherry blossom fields, I had taken the north gate into the narrow pass between the mountains to get there. I-” right as Kuto was talking the second Chameleon abruptly butts in,

    “You what do there? Presence is questioned” its two eyes looking up at the sky, and then one forward with the other at the ground, Kuto wasn’t sure where to look. Keeping his calm, knowing chameleons to be wilder in their nature, continued his story,

    “...If you would allow me to continue”, saying coolly, “I was out searching for frontier, or prairie mushrooms, as requested by the temple cook, to make a soup for the Priests and Star Priests. As I was picking these mushrooms, I heard a great noise coming from the mountains to the north, and then a terrible tremble under my feet. It took much to stabilize myself, I then saw what looked like an avalanche coming down the wall of the mountain, it was not until I heard the chiming of bells that I realized what was coming”, dread in his eyes Kuto’s voice began to speed up, “at that moment I turned and began to run back to Taki’to to warn the temple city. Behind me was a horde of Clan Pestilence along with followers of Nurgle, an Alliance of Corruption and Plague. I warned the northern gate guards and did not stop until I reached the Temple of the Moon, of Metzlitlaco, to warn the High Star Priest. Taki’to is overrun, I am the lone survivor.”

    Both Chameleon skinks turn to each other, and with flicks of their tails usher a series of messages to another. In an instant, the albino chameleon’s skink changed abruptly to every color in the forest around it as it disappeared to the west.

    Turning to Kuto, the remaining chameleon’s eyes zeroed in on the smaller skink, “They will go to Zaktac and warn the Saurus there, we will continue to Tlacopan”

    Motioning for Kuto to follow, the chameleon heads south deeper into the forest until it started to become a jungle, work by the realmshaper engines that dotted the territory of the Seraphon within the valley. Thick Palm, Balsa, Rubber, and Kapok trees began to shade the entire ground beneath them, vines and brush slowly covering up any type of path. Each step, though bringing them closer to their destination, caused pain in Kutos arm which had begun to ooze pus. Looking concerned at the skinks wound the chameleon pushes them on, but at a quicker pace, they were close.

    An hour later the two seraphon came to a wide clearing of grassland, beyond the field were the northwestern walls and one of the five gates of Tlacopan; this one marbled purple quartz. These giant walls that surrounded the capital, taller even than the towering Thunderdon that waded the lakes and rivers of the valley, were formidable to look upon.

    Dotting the walls were fortified towers and siege towers, the walls themselves even radiated with a strong electric blue light that crackle with energy. Looking up Kuto sees a bird land too close to such a beam only to erupt in a bloody mess, his sight is then focused on the already saurus and skinks that could be seen lining the walls as the two traveled deeper into the clearing. Pulling out of his side bag the chameleon skink holds up a gold plaque, about a forearm length, with two intertwining flying serpents on it. The Saurus and Skink on the walls instantly changed direction, a giant gong let out with a loud horn, and before them, the giant gate of marbled purple quartz began to open.

    ***

    Mage-Priest Ka’Rapixca sat motionless within his sacred chamber atop a cold carved-out stone throne within the high temple of Tepok. His mostly purple skin sweating from fever with a small amount of froth coming from his mouth, sores beginning to crown, concern, and despair could be felt within and around the chamber. Around Ka’Rapixca privileged skinks waved large palm branches in the already cool stone chamber air, while others dabbed moist cloth onto the mages' feverish skin, hoping to aid in the cooling of their master. Still, other skinks were tasked with wiping away the ever bubbling froth from Lord Ka’Rapixca’s mouth, others made sure that the table of fruits and grubs were as fresh as possible for when for if Lord Ka’rapixca would awaken. The temple guards themselves had not moved but once in the 200 years that their master had been fighting the infection of the enemy, but even in the rotating of guards, always a watchful eye on the motionless amphibian.

    Motionless, lifeless on the surface, there was life, thought, and a desire to live in the mind of the Slann, although hanging by a thread as the internal struggle raged. The plague itself was mixed with the blood of a Verminlord Corruptor, increasing the potency by magical means, forcing Lord Ka’Rapixca to focus most of all his attention on slowing its effects. With a surge of his magic, he keeps the plague at bay; the rest of his focus on finding a solution amongst the dreamscape of the void.

    Among the void beyond his body and within his mind the Starmaster sees omens in the stars, ancient battles, and ancient prophecy, but nothing that could help cure the decaying of his body. Floating amongst his own thoughts, searching for anything of knowledge or even the Old Ones themselves, for the first time in his existence Ka’Rapixca feels despair. In that moment of morality a thin slice in reality, in the slanns very thoughts, was opened like a slice of the skin. So small was the opening in his own mind that the Slann was not aware of it at first, but then there was faint laughter followed by the recognizable gnawing of a rat-spawn.

    Drawing his attention to the laughter, he gathered his thoughts into a physical location in his memories, an ancient city from long ago.

    “I remember this...hovel of a city, yes, I remember when its streets cried with those foul cold-blooded reptiles dying. Marvelous it was”, a tall beautiful form shows itself walking down the main street in the memory, gorgeous angelic wings falling behind the form, with a face that of a female bovine.

    “I, Slavyvia Whiphide, remember my wings drenched in their blood”, she erupts in laughter as the scene shifts from an empty memory to the end of days on that World-That-Was, Ka’Rapixca’s own control on his own mind waned, allowing the daemon more able to manipulate it. The greater daemons face turned cold,

    “I even remember ripping the heart out of one of those pesky priests on one of their own snake gods altar, as it screamed for its ‘sacred protection’”. Locking eyes with the Slann the greater daemon of Slaanesh’s form comes more into view, beautiful form, wings of amber color but under closer observation lash marks covered the blue skin. Ka’Rapixca attempts to break free, for a moment one finger is able to move, in an instant a large stone pillar it hurled at Slavyvia; though it misses as she dodges it in a predictable way. Laughing to herself, the greater daemon’s eyes still locked with the Slanns, the daemons face again goes cold, and infont of the Slann plays out the scene. Ka’Rapixca turns furious but finds himself unable to move and forced to watch as the blood of the skink priest runs down the altar of Tepok the daemon speaks into the wind,

    “You see Plaguerot? Once your agent was able to convince the incompetent Nurglings to combine thoughts on a joint plague and make this poor frog sick.” walking closer to Ka’Rapixca the Keeper of Secrets reaches a hand out as if pretending to touch the slanns skin, “that it would only be a matter of time before i could slip into its thoughts, one of the many qualities given to me by the exceedingly generous Dark Prince”, a smirk comes over the fair face as the presence of rot and plague descends upon the senses of Ka’Rapixca, the Slann soon hears the chittering laughter behind him.

    “Yes-yes, you were right-correct, now we kill-stab ancient mage-old one spawn… then we return to Ghyran and eliminate-terminate Nurgle friends-enemies, the Great Horned Rat smiles on this betrayal-backstab of the false corruptor, yes-yes!’ Plaguerot snickers with joy as he edges closer to the Slann, who still fights to regain control on his own thoughts, knowing to die in his mind is to die in the physical realm as well.

    As Plaguerot moved closer to examine the Slann so did Slavyvia, a large blade came out in front of the Verminlord halting it in its tracks,

    “Go now Plaguerot, tell your zealots of our arrangement, my glorious warriors will be there to help in the slaughter of the maggotkin and your alliance with them at Taki’to, and I will join you in the extermination and corruption of Tlacopan” confidence and arrogance dripped from every word that left the daemons mouth, before the Verminlord could even react the blade went to the skavens throat,

    “Now short horns, or I will show you why I am running this scheme of delicious proportions”, cold eyes pierced into the Verminlords dead black eyes, with much disdain and vengeful plotting in mind, Plaguerot turns and through the same sliver slips back into the mortal realms, back to reality in Ghyran.

    As the daemon turned back to face Ka’Rapixca, grin slowly fading upon realizing the Slann, with the daemons own slip of attention, had broken the mental restraint placed by Slavyvia. Free of his bonds, Ka’Rapixca looking sickly even in this mental projection of himself, the sores now beginning to ooze. Confidence regained at the sight of the weakened seraphon leader, the greater daemon of Slaanesh drags the enchanted sword across the road she walked upon, and also from behind her back revealed an axe. Slowly inching forward, savoring the battle to come, Slavyvia stretches her wings out as reality around the daemon and slann wax then wane between a bloodied temple city and a calm jungle day in the middle of a temple market.



    ***

    Kuto and his escort raced into the towering gate, only to be slowed by the swarms of skinks and warm-bloods in front of them. The thousands of bodies walked the large streets; calm and seemingly unaware of the events unfolding to the north going about their business. Entering from the northern gate brought the duo to the skink-dominated trade and artisan section of the temple city. Skinks dealing in gems, exotic fruits, precious seashells, and even astrological readings called out into the streets to sell their wares. Natives from the Huron-Lustrare Confederacy traded in fine furs, precious metals, and even weaponry of the finest quality; a Scar Veteran stopped to investigate a large axe. The large market sprawled around a large statue of Uxmac, the Seraphon’s patron of Trade and Travel, Kuto as he ran past touched the statue and silently said a prayer to the Old One. Fighting the crowd, the skink noticed saurus patrols wading through the crowd, at times stopping those for suspicious activity, before either leaving them be or dragging them away. It did not matter if Human, Aelven, Durdain, all warmblood eyes could not be removed from the chameleon skink. The chameleon moved through the crowd, rare was their sight in the open, many only knowing of them through terrifying stories. Little did the chameleon care for their glances, he only aimed to reach the highest pinnacle of the newly rebuilt High Temple of Tepok.

    Legs burning to the point of pain Kuto hides any discomfort, following in the footsteps of the skink infront of him, finally beginning to slow to a comfortable pace. Soon the sound of a large river rings in Kuto’s ears, a smile reaches his face, he knew they could not be far from their destination. The river, the Lustrum River, flowing through the heart of the temple city, crossing over one of the mighty bridges the duo finally reaches the other side, saurus being more numerous along with skink Star Priests and scholars. Panting heavily, Kuto glanced briefly at a group of priests holding out many ancient plaques, raised voices could be heard as they argued over prophecy. The High Temple of Tepok in the distance, which sits next to the High Temple of Tzunki, towered over smaller temples of learning with its pinnacle showing the mighty statue of a feathered serpent. Moving past the saurus barracks and the muddy training fields next to them, Kuto notices the gradual shift into the scholar district with its newer and well-kept buildings.

    As the large Temples stood high into the heavens, a large blast of purple-blue magical energy began to consume the large statue of Tepok in front of him, briefly blinding all that looked upon it. An energy he had not seen before, looking over at a group of priests, it was clear they had not either. Each one glancing up and then back down at plaques and scrolls, their warm-blood understudies feverishly taking their own notes on this new event. Unease and wonder hung in the air, Kuto felt it.

    Turning his gaze away from the flustered group of scholars Kuto sees the chameleon finally stop in front of a large gateway. The gateway, a part of a defensive wall around the temple, was as much a gatehouse and walls as it was a work of art. Its large gate in the shape of a large fanged feathered serpent, with the walls around the temple its body, both painted brightly with vines growing over it. Kuto had only been beyond the gate a handful of times, only when significant astronomical events high regarded by the followers of Tepok. Those same followers now had began to line up around the temple to view the phenomenon before them. Catching up with his escort, the two skinks walk down amethyst marbled path lined with koatl statues. The large, steep stairs had temple guards every ten stairs, their gaze piercing and stance stoic.

    Stretching high up the temple, the steps stopped every so often to landings which had entrances to different parts of the temples chambers; to the fourth landing was where the chameleon took Kuto. Marked in symbols of the utmost significance, Kuto touched them in a sign of respect before entering the tunnel, one symbol in particular: the name Itzli-Citalli. Six temple guards accompanied them, their weapons gleaming in the flickering torch light that lined the otherwise dark tunnel, ahead of them a bright chamber with silhouettes of figures moving awaited them.

    Inching closer to the chamber Kuto could feel anxiety swelling inside him, he had never been to this part of the temple before. Most of those who came to the temple were brought to the bottom two chambers, where prayers and teachings were held. The top three landings led to places of privilege and importance: the Chamber of the Koatl, the Chamber of the Wise, and Lord Ka’Rapixca’s own chamber. To be allowed to any was an honor, but to be brought before the Star Seer personally was only short of being summoned by the Slann or the Old Ones themselves.

    Stepping into the chamber the three guards who led the two formed a line in front of the pair, while the other three did the same behind them. It wasn’t until a series of chirps came from a skink in front of them did the guards disperse, though Kuto noticed guards in the corners of the room and by each entrance. The skink turned around, his scales darker in color, it was the crest that really stood out; large like a Parasauradon’s. Kuto recognized at once who stood in front of them, the great Star Seer.

    What could be considered a smile erupts from the previously emotionless face of the seer,

    “Ah! Tetala! You return from the north, and with another who is not Takatl? Most intriguing. Now tell me first, did my visions speak truth? Has the storm finally come?” Itzli’s face grows somber once more,

    Stepping forward and then bowing graciously Tetala recounts what Kuto had told them, that Taki’to had fallen to a great host. Emotionless Itzli turns to Kuto,

    ‘What Tetala says is true then?”

    Timidly looking at the seer Kuto nods,

    “No warning had come, I was lucky to be out gathering and saw them, but there was no time…” his voice trailed off.

    Peering into Kuto’s eyes, Itzli blinks once and then moves towards a large table at the back of the chamber, on it a map of the whole valley. Pointing at the map the seer beckons the chameleon forward, directing it south to warn the Temple Cities.

    “We cannot spare a Terradon for travel, your Gallimimus will have to suffice” the seer hands a slip of parchment to Tetala, ‘Swift travel, may Uxmac bless you’

    Bowing Tetala leaves the chamber, but not before giving Kuto a short glance and then a nod.

    Raising a hand the star seer motions for Kuto to come forward, on the map the skink sees stone icons representing troops, cities, caravans, and once where Taki’to stood now a statue of a rat. Anger swelled within the skink until Itzli began to speak,

    ‘The Armies of Tlacopan will be ready to meet this great threat head on, however the forces of Tl’uk of Xlakana will also be needed, though I am afraid i am short messengers presently…”, staring at Kuto the seer continues, “i wondered if perhaps one as brave as yourself would be willing to locate and tell the Oldblood of my need for him and his force? He was last known west of the Desert of the Sun toward the foothills of the Bladetooth mountains. I would grant you a small escort with the swifted Gallimimus mounts we have, this task is of the utmost importance”.

    Honor bound to avenge the destruction of his temple city, Kuto sticks out his chest and nods surely in agreement, a sigh of relief can be seen from Itzli. The skink knew how dangerous this task would be, reports for months now told of skaven and other foes deep in the valley; the southern portion of the river not fully healed from their previous scheme. It did not matter to him, he would see this through.

    Itzli instructed one of the guards to take Kuto to the provisions area, gathering what he might need for the journey, before taking him to the stable. There at the stable waiting for him was a group of four saurus and a lone skink, each standing saurus next to a cold one that was saddled for the journey while the skink held the reins to a gallimimus. Each saurus stared down at Kuto, no expression to be found, each holding a spear and the reins to their mount, The temple guard paid little attention to the group in front of it, with a grunt simply turned and began walking back to the temple. Kuto stood there alone, the saurus standing over him, the group said nothing for a few moments.

    “We wait for your command’ one of the saurus broke the silence.

    Feeling out of place Kuto clears his throat, never been in a position of command he with as much confidence that can be mustered lets out the command. “We ride to the temple city It’lit and the high temple of Chotec in the Desert of the Sun!'
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2021
  3. Sudsinabucket
    Skink Chief

    Sudsinabucket Well-Known Member

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    I meant to add these before posting the first chapter, but here are two maps showing the valley:

    The First one shows the valley before the events in the story -
    The Northern Lustrare River Valley, Ghyran. (Homebrew, Grid).jpg

    The second map here shows the current state of the valley, the sickly green & pink in the north represent chaos invasion/territory takes-

    Invasion of the Valley.jpg
     
  4. Killer Angel
    Slann

    Killer Angel Prophet of the Stars Staff Member

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    You are really into it, aren't you? ;)


    good, good... :bookworm:
     
  5. Sudsinabucket
    Skink Chief

    Sudsinabucket Well-Known Member

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    Very much so :) Love making maps to help with better immersion/visuals!
     
  6. The Great White Lizard
    Chameleon Skink

    The Great White Lizard Well-Known Member

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    Wow this is great! Those maps look super high quality.
     
    Sudsinabucket likes this.
  7. Imrahil
    Slann

    Imrahil Well-Known Member

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    That mapping tool has proven it's worth already ;)
    Helps the story as well. It could go without as it builds a map in your head.

    Still need to read a little more than half of the first chapter.

    Grrr, Imrahil
     
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  8. Sudsinabucket
    Skink Chief

    Sudsinabucket Well-Known Member

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    Thank you! The maps were definitely fun to make!

    Any thoughts on the story itself? :)
     
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  9. Sudsinabucket
    Skink Chief

    Sudsinabucket Well-Known Member

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    Thank you, it certainly has :) It probably could go without indeed, but I do love having one! I need to finish the southern regions map where kithmali is actually lol

    Hope you're enjoying it thus far!
     
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  10. Aginor
    Slann

    Aginor Fifth Spawning Staff Member

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    Very nice!
    I'll definitely keep reading this.

    I am also tempted to also create a more nicely looking map for my own story. I have one but it was made in paint. Which is somewhat embarrassing but it is solely meant for internal use so far (for judging times and distances).
     
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  11. The Great White Lizard
    Chameleon Skink

    The Great White Lizard Well-Known Member

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    Yeah. I don't know much about AOS lore, but it can't find any flaws in the storyline. There are some widespread minor tense error, but they don't really take away from the story at all. Very strong so far!
     
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  12. Sudsinabucket
    Skink Chief

    Sudsinabucket Well-Known Member

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    Thank you! I appreciate it :) Glad you're enjoying/enjoyed it!

    I get nervous sharing writing pieces, especially longer ones like this, we have such good writers on this forum!

    You definitely should, I was thinking of redoing a map of Spektezuma I had done a year or so ago on Paint as well. Inkarnate is the program I used, i really enjoy using it. The free version is ok but the $5 a month is worth it for a sub.
     
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  13. Sudsinabucket
    Skink Chief

    Sudsinabucket Well-Known Member

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    Ugh, yeah, past & present tenses always for whatever reason trip me up. Not cause i don't know the difference but just, yeah, i dunno i go back and forth for whatever reason... which i need to work on.

    Thank you :) i appreciate it.

    I feel like the ending of the chapter could maybe be a little stronger and give Itzli a bigger showing at the end to lead into chapter 2, maybe?
     
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  14. The Great White Lizard
    Chameleon Skink

    The Great White Lizard Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I think that might improve it. I love the slannesh demon dynamic with the Slann. I might scatter a few sentences in about how the corruption of nurgle was visible in the normally pristine jungle when Kuto leaves Taki'to?
     
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  15. Sudsinabucket
    Skink Chief

    Sudsinabucket Well-Known Member

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    Definitely a good thought, had thought maybe a few areas needed little more description

    And yes! The Slaanesh plot is possibly one of my favorites that im working on
     
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  16. Sudsinabucket
    Skink Chief

    Sudsinabucket Well-Known Member

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    I'll be starting to write chapter 2 tomorrow, any thoughts on Chapter one or any chapter are always welcome!

    Hope everyone has enjoyed it thus far no matter where you're at in it!
     
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  17. The Great White Lizard
    Chameleon Skink

    The Great White Lizard Well-Known Member

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    Yes! More fluff to read. By the way, have you ever put up an entry for the short story contest? You would be really good at it.
     
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  18. Sudsinabucket
    Skink Chief

    Sudsinabucket Well-Known Member

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    Thank you! I have actually, just once though. I want to do it again but have so many projects going on
     
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  19. The Great White Lizard
    Chameleon Skink

    The Great White Lizard Well-Known Member

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    I know the feeling. I have so many models to assemble and paint that even thinking about it makes me intimidated. I'm making very slow progress on basically everything, but at least I'm finished my carnosaur :D. Only need to find a square base now and it'll be done.
     
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  20. Imrahil
    Slann

    Imrahil Well-Known Member

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    Well, I finally found the time to read trough it whole.
    Very well done on the story telling.
    I enjoyed reading it.

    I like how the battle is fought both mentally and physically. I like the characterisation and your describtion of the surroundings As said before you hardly need a map to visualize this world :writing:

    Some points of attention are that you tend to switch writing in the present and the past tense. Were I think it will make an even stronger story if it was all past tense. Also there would be some sentences I personally would phtase in an other way, but that is just me nitpicking.

    I look forward to the next part of the story.

    Grrr, Imrahil
     

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