1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Contest January-February 2017 Voting Thread

Discussion in 'Fluff and Stories' started by Scalenex, Feb 3, 2017.

?

Which Short Story or Stories Do you Like Best (choose up to five)?

Poll closed Mar 5, 2017.
  1. Story One: Hope Is In Order

    3 vote(s)
    14.3%
  2. Story Two: Those Left Behind

    2 vote(s)
    9.5%
  3. Story Three: Hammer of the Lost

    12 vote(s)
    57.1%
  4. Story Four: A Whimper

    3 vote(s)
    14.3%
  5. Story Five: The Next Generation

    6 vote(s)
    28.6%
  6. Story Six: Sacred Duty

    10 vote(s)
    47.6%
  7. Story Seven: Sacred Spawning

    10 vote(s)
    47.6%
  8. Story Eight: Call of the Stars

    10 vote(s)
    47.6%
  9. Story Nine: Purpose

    13 vote(s)
    61.9%
  10. Story Ten: The Ritual of Words Yet Unvoiced

    7 vote(s)
    33.3%
  11. Story Eleven: Commune

    3 vote(s)
    14.3%
  12. Story Twelve: Warlord of Sorrow

    5 vote(s)
    23.8%
  13. Story Thirteen: His Own Hands

    4 vote(s)
    19.0%
  14. Story Fourteen: Duty and Hatred

    4 vote(s)
    19.0%
  15. Story Fifteen: Vengeance’s Fire

    3 vote(s)
    14.3%
  16. Story Sixteen: Hope for Sun

    5 vote(s)
    23.8%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. thedarkfourth
    Kroxigor

    thedarkfourth Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    854
    Trophy Points:
    93
    A few more terrible, immature imitations:

    14 3000, Part 3: Rise of the Ma-chaos

    In a dank alley in one of Itza’s backstreets, a ball of energy appeared, lightning flickering all around. A lizard materialised, scorched, on its knees, and stumbled off into the city. A little while later the same thing happened again - but this time, it was no lizard that appeared.

    ***

    “Zha’raa Ko-nor?” asked the dishevelled lizard.

    “Who are you?” said the skink, crossly.

    “Come with me if you want to not be ritually sacrificed to the chaos gods,” said the lizard from the future, grabbing her arm and showing her an engraved portrait glyph of herself.

    “How did you-?” she began, but she was interrupted by an enormous kroxigor bursting through the wall. It had sunglasses, a pistol and an emotionless expression. An explosive chase scene ensued.

    “What is that thing?” asked a traumatised Zha’raa when they eventually escaped - temporarily.

    “It’s no kroxigor, that’s for sure. It’s a daemonic exoskeleton with an external layer of reptilian tissue to allow it to blend in. It’s brutal and relentless, and will never stop hunting you.”

    “But why?!”

    “It’s been sent from the future to kill you. Your son, Omyitl, will lead the resistance after the daemons take Lustria.”

    “Son? We don’t even sexually reprod-”

    “No time for that now, we’ve got to get to the temple to keep you safe.”

    ***

    Shortly, on the temple steps:

    “Sir, you do not have access to the chambers, please return to your station,” said a temple guardian, testily. The giant kroxigor looked down at him.

    “I’ll be back,” it said.

    Then it came back with a massive carnosaur and tore the place up.


    8 Call of the Superstars

    “And….cut!” called a voice from the shadows.

    Immediately the lights came up, and dozens of crew members were swarming the set. A man in a beret and sunglasses approached Kroq-Gar.

    “That was really great, Kroq. Stellar stuff, aha. Gonna play great with the nostalgic demographic. Now we’re going to do the same take one more time, but this time I just want you to really hammer it home on the word “vengeance”. I’m thinking maybe strike a pose, like this, with the spear- perfect, you got it!”

    “When do we get lunch break?” said a deep voice above Kroq.

    The director pinched the bridge of his nose. “Soon, Grym, soon. Just a few more takes. You’re doing great.”

    “Don’t know why I even bother,” muttered the carnosaur. “I’m so firing my agent tonight. They didn’t even spell my name right on the last one. I told them a hundred times, it’s Grymloq with a q, not a c.”

    “I’ll make sure it’s fixed, big boy - remember we’re shooting a propaganda piece here, not a feature like you bigshots are used to, so cut em some slack,” said the director, and then turned away from the talent. “OK everyone, back to your marks, same again - extras, you’re doing great, keep nailing those lines. OK, lights down and on my mark-”

    “Rolling,” said a cameraman, as a grip snapped the slate shut. Kroq lay down in the spotlight.

    “And, action!” said the director.

    It moves. It lives.


    16 Hope for Sun 2: Resurrection

    The knights slaughtered the last of the followers of Nurgle, sun glinting from their proud armour. Xilour felt fresh hope stir in her heart.

    Then the knights began to wheel. Now they were facing back towards the village. They broke into a charge, heading straight for the surviving seraphon and villagers. Xilour shouted to reform the battle line but she knew it would be nowhere near enough to resist the coming onslaught. She could hear the awful pounding of the hooves as they got nearer and nearer.

    At the last second the knights wheeled away, missing the village by a hair’s breath. As they disappeared over the horizon, Xilour heard a distant, parting shout: “Ha! Fooled you!”

    Slowly she untensed. Just then the ground began to give way beneath her feet. There was a great rumbling and the entire earth shook, a huge chasm opening up in the middle of the village. Skaven began to pour up from beneath them in a vast tide, threatening to overwhelm and consume them all. This is it, we’re done for, she thought. But all the skaven continued to scurry away, out into the fields, without paying any attention to the humans or lizards. “Phew, another close call,” she thought.

    But then a giant fire dragon burst out of the chasm and ignited the sky with its breath. It made a huge loop and then arcked down towards the village, gaping jaws glowing. At the last moment, a beam of light lasered out of the village, striking the dragon in the face and turning it away into the sky. “A wizard has saved us,” thought Xilour. But it was no wizard, it was the cruel dark aelves, who had been hiding among them all along.

    Just as they were about to be sacrificed to Khaine, a blinding new light appeared in the sky, coming down to save them. Except just as it was reaching them, she realised it was a comet.


    7 Sacred Spawning: Never stop Spawning

    At the controls of the rapidly departing skyship, Tzunki was snickering to himself. This caught the attention of a superior officer.

    “Tzunki? What have you done now?”

    “Heh heh heh. Nothing, Tepok.”

    “Common, show me.”

    “I... maaaay have fiddled with the spawning pool controls. Just a little,” said the god, looking sheepish.

    “Tzunki! We’ve talked about this!”

    “Aw man it was totally worth it! Imagine the looks on their faces when all the pools turned on at the same time for no reason - after they’d already abandoned the city!” Subsequent utterances became indistinguishable as he descended into uncontrollable laughter. Tepok narrowed his eyes.

    “You think it’s funny, do you? After we just left those poor bastards to be devoured by chaos? And what about our fuel supplies? Did you even stop to consider that? It’s not free to make new lizardmen!”

    “It was only a few dozen, honestly,” said Tzunki, sobering a little. “Enough to seem like a miracle - but it’s not exactly going to do anything against the endless hordes of the nether realms, is it?”

    Tepok sighed. “This is why no one likes us, Tzunki. I’m revoking your spawning privileges.”


    1 Hope Is Slightly Out of Order

    The glyphs were rearranging themselves, and then vanishing, replaced by new symbols that began to form a non-stop stream tumbling through his mind, filling his vision. Yami gasped as the vague shape of the world began to form in his mind - it was like he could see again, but everything was made of glyphs streaming downwards. And for some reason they had a glowing, greenish colour.

    In the temple, HauniHauni-Lu grinned.

    “I imagine, right now, you must be feeling a bit like Al-ix, tumbling down the razordon hole?”

    “You could say that,” replied Yami, still reeling.

    “Do you believe in fate, Yami?”

    “No.”

    “Why not?”

    “Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life. Admittedly this is difficult for me given that my entire existence was designed to serve the plan of omniscient space gods.”

    The slann regarded the squirming skink.

    “The truth is that you are a slave, Yami. Like everyone else, you were born into bondage, kept inside a prison that you cannot smell, taste, or touch. A prison for your mind. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Meh’trx is. You have to see it for yourself.” He paused, shifting on his palanquin and holding out two flabby arms. An ixti grub pulsed in each one. Yami stared at them with sightless eyes.

    “This is your last chance. After this, there is no going back. You take the blue pill-bug and the story ends. You wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill-bug and I show you how deep the razordon hole goes.”

    Yami hesitated.
     
  2. Bowser
    Slann

    Bowser Third Spawning

    Messages:
    5,544
    Likes Received:
    8,250
    Trophy Points:
    113
    These continuations are brilliant and hilarious!
     
  3. spawning of Bob
    Skar-Veteran

    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,911
    Likes Received:
    5,614
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Needs to get out more. That's what I've always said.
     
    Slanputin, Bowser and thedarkfourth like this.
  4. discomute
    Kroxigor

    discomute Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    290
    Likes Received:
    560
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Shouldn't you be writing 8 more reviews?
     
  5. spawning of Bob
    Skar-Veteran

    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,911
    Likes Received:
    5,614
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Oh, you just love that moral high ground, don't you @discomute.
     
  6. spawning of Bob
    Skar-Veteran

    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,911
    Likes Received:
    5,614
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Are you happy now @discomute ? I rush wrote my story entry in 2 sittings (and the votes show it ). Then spent ten times as long and far more effort on reviews (like usual).

    Authors. Don’t forget phase three – you can reply to or rebut the critiques after the author reveal. You can do that in this thread, or preferably in a new thread by you with your story (or a re-edited version) first. If you do put an individual story thread up, it will, at the very least guarantee you a coveted place in the Lustriapedia, and makes your story much easier to cross reference, hyperlink and find for the reading public. For the public that can’t read we have the Temple of Aartzifartzi.
     
  7. Bowser
    Slann

    Bowser Third Spawning

    Messages:
    5,544
    Likes Received:
    8,250
    Trophy Points:
    113
    I'm happy, I can finally stop checking page 2 of this thread!
     
    discomute and spawning of Bob like this.
  8. spawning of Bob
    Skar-Veteran

    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,911
    Likes Received:
    5,614
    Trophy Points:
    113
    The Temple of Aartzifartzi would suit you better, Bows.
     
    Bowser likes this.
  9. Killer Angel
    Slann

    Killer Angel Prophet of the Stars Staff Member

    Messages:
    11,951
    Likes Received:
    26,939
    Trophy Points:
    113
    OK, days are passing and life is strangling me.
    I've no idea if I will find the time to write the reviews :)(), so I will vote in the next few days and then we'll see.
     
    spawning of Bob and Bowser like this.
  10. discomute
    Kroxigor

    discomute Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    290
    Likes Received:
    560
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Great stuff. I like going backwards to 1st, as I would imagine the people down the list would have to wait a long time for most of their reviews.
     
    Warden and Bowser like this.
  11. thedarkfourth
    Kroxigor

    thedarkfourth Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    854
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Screen Shot 2017-02-20 at 01.01.03.png

    How did you hack Bob's account, Bowser?
     
    Warden, spawning of Bob and Bowser like this.
  12. Bowser
    Slann

    Bowser Third Spawning

    Messages:
    5,544
    Likes Received:
    8,250
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Glitches in the system, push the like button enough times and you get administrative powers! :p
     
  13. spawning of Bob
    Skar-Veteran

    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,911
    Likes Received:
    5,614
    Trophy Points:
    113
    In breaking news, @tom ndege has taken over the internet.
     
    Bowser, Warden and tom ndege like this.
  14. Killer Angel
    Slann

    Killer Angel Prophet of the Stars Staff Member

    Messages:
    11,951
    Likes Received:
    26,939
    Trophy Points:
    113
    I must force myself to do some quick (forgive me, authors!) reviews, or I'll end with nothing.

    Hope is in order

    As already said, the story wasn't bad and the possible development is truly interesting, but it suffers from some grammar prolems and a general poor "layout". It seems more a first draft, rathen than a polished story.

    Those Left Behind

    Ah, we see the fate of those that didn't took the starship to flee from the dying 8th world. When all hope is lost, you simply choose the way you want to die. Touching story.

    Hammer of the Lost

    Rex-Op friendship toward Kai-Otl is a deep sentiment, and we also have a truly poetic ending. If you add the nice take on the "Death and rebirth" of Seraphon, well, no wonder this story is ranked so high in the voting phase.

    A Whimper

    a so short story, that tells so much. The flames of wrath and revenge consumes lives, and all that remains are the regret and the futility of a poor choice. With the protagonist that goes toward his death, in a seemingly endless journey but at least in peace with himself. I liked it.

    The Next Generation

    usually comedic pieces don't meet my tastes, but this one was truly on spot. With a so serious theme of the comp, this one was a needed break.

    Sacred Duty

    The protagonists are pretty unusual (skink oracle and troglodon weren't a top choice in 8th, and so also their fluff isn't so much developed), but this story nails perfectly the ties between the skink and the dinosaur, the "imprinting" and the unique bonding that goes both ways. The pov of the troglodon is perfectly narrated, so kudos to the author. And the ending is sad but perfect.

    Sacred Spawning

    So much despair, and so much hope! the images and the rituals tied to the spawning pools are intriguing and fascinating, and the final crescendo is epic. Wonderful. Of course, the army that left the temple-city was formed by thousands of temple guards (and we're talking about just the elite) that would have been wiped away, so even some hundreds of new warriors from the pools won't make any difference for the city, but who cares?

    Call of the Stars

    Kroq-Gar, 'nuff said. Even the Slanns can have a hard time, trying to remember in details the magnificency of the most famous oldblood of all times. And kudos for writing a so entertaining and original story about such a iconic character.



    OK, 8 reviews made, 8 to go.
    Let me just say that, in this first package of stories, I gave 4 of my 5 votes...
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2017
  15. Killer Angel
    Slann

    Killer Angel Prophet of the Stars Staff Member

    Messages:
    11,951
    Likes Received:
    26,939
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Purpose

    probably my favourite story of the comp. There, you know who took my last vote (probably not a smart move to have revealed my hand)

    The Ritual of Words Yet Unvoiced

    The structure of this story is probably the most interesting one of all the 16 stories. The various flashbacks and the different ages linked through a web that crosses time (and space?), created a solid plot, and the daemon was truly unforgettable. This was the classic "if only I had one more vote..."

    Commune

    I'm not sure about what really happened here. OK, Emman screwed it all, and will pay the price for his rookie overconfidence, but I'm not sure about what is going to happen. I suppose Emman fits the theme for (shattered) hope.

    Warlord of Sorrow (and) Vengeance’s Fire

    paired reviews, given that they're both sequel / prequel to Fireblade’s Challenge. Nice stories, but in this kind ofcomp, I like more when the stories stand by themselves. That said, in the growing saga of Fireblade they are nice gems.

    His Own Hands

    reading the story, especially the part regarding the armor partially painted red, made me wonder: is the old man a recruiter for Khorne? Poor, foolish Harti, do you really believe disinterested benefactors exist in WHFB?

    Duty and Hatred

    a good story, but it lacks the emotions that i feeled with other pieces. This comp has reached a so high level , that good stories are no more enough...

    Hope for Sun

    ahahaheheheh... the slaanesh champion that wipes away the disgusting servants of nurgle, while ironically saluting the (doomed?) defender of the village, gave me a honest laugh. An entertaining ending for a great comp.
     
  16. lordkingcrow
    Temple Guard

    lordkingcrow Active Member

    Messages:
    249
    Likes Received:
    107
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Anyone else think five votes is too many?
     
    Bowser likes this.
  17. Qupakoco
    Skink Chief

    Qupakoco Keeper of the Dice Staff Member

    Messages:
    1,871
    Likes Received:
    1,164
    Trophy Points:
    113
    @lordkingcrow thinks all the stories are garbage.

    On a serious note, 3 votes may have been plenty. I feel I had one extra vote, although there were people who were agonizing over just 5 votes. How many votes did we do in the past?
     
    Bowser likes this.
  18. Bowser
    Slann

    Bowser Third Spawning

    Messages:
    5,544
    Likes Received:
    8,250
    Trophy Points:
    113
    As far as I can remember this is the protocol, 1 vote for every three entries.
     
    Qupakoco likes this.
  19. spawning of Bob
    Skar-Veteran

    spawning of Bob Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,911
    Likes Received:
    5,614
    Trophy Points:
    113
    In this comp, 3 votes were easy to allocate, then I needed 3 more for the next tier.
    But, Dear Roadkill, if you want less votes, you can enter less often (still grumpy about the first comp ;))
     
    Bowser likes this.
  20. lordkingcrow
    Temple Guard

    lordkingcrow Active Member

    Messages:
    249
    Likes Received:
    107
    Trophy Points:
    28
    I was unaware of how my views were perceived by others. Apparently I look down my beak at all stories (including my own). Perhaps I should be less blunt in my future critiques.... but who am I kidding, that'll never happen. ;) That being said, having enough votes to vote for 1/3 of the stories just seems like a lot. But don't mind me, I'm probably just too competitive.

    [​IMG]
     

Share This Page