Often teens in Germany don't know what to do with there life after school ends. And often they have the brilliant idea "I want to do something with other people/ persons/ humans" only to realise with 37 that the most common cause for problems in life is other living beings.
I am a person who is interested in art and crafting, .... and every time I am depressed, this quote always gives me motivation: "Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion." or "If it's flipping hamburgers at McDonald's, be the best hamburger flipper in the world. Whatever it is you do, you have to master your craft."
Life is odd. As of November 2022, I am in my 30th year of life. Roughly 3 1/2 to 4 years ago I sustained back injuries due to being rear ended. I have constant low to medium level back pain. These points/paragraph is mainly for context of what follows. December 5th 2020 I divorced my ex wife. She was abusive. My only prior long term relationship other than my ex wife was a long distance who used me for money. Since my divorce, I met a lovely friend, who I moved to Gainesville with. I got a job. I was fired from that job. I pushed my (until then side hustle) 3d printing/wargaming retail business to the forefront, and i have worked to build that up even though sales are continually slow (hobby items always come second in an economic downturn.) I also learned I have ADHD tending towards distractibility. I've worked on dealing with that. It's opened my eyes in a lot of respects to why I've acted as I have for my 30 years of life so far. I developed feelings for my roommate. Those feelings are unrequited. She cares deeply for me as a friend, and I respect that. However, this is the third time anyone I have loved has not reciprocate those feelings. I guess the first two did, at times. Unfortunately any good feelings I had with memories of those past relationships feel tainted by association with their motivations and later actions. I'm fine in social situations, although I usually have to push myself to go out. I can handle conversation perfectly well. I don't want to hurt anyone, or be hurt again, so I've not actively attempted to date. I've come to the conclusion that if the Gods exist, then they have made my life the way it is for two reasons: To attempt to make smiles and happiness for others. And to never have happiness myself. I mentioned wargaming. I've been a part of said hobby since I was 10. I don't paint as much as I used to. I used to love it. Now I look at my desk and most days say "what's the point of making mediocre art?". I share what I cook and bake (as I'm teaching myself to do so) and some people in my life say I'm bragging. I've share personal thoughts I don't share with anyone else, acted defensive on reflex when questioned, and got told I come off rude. Most everything I do seems has negative effects. At least by averaging all of the experiences I can remember. Tangent thought: I'm touch starved and can't remember ever being approached because someone wanted me, for me. But I have found I can occasionally make people smile. And I've read that smiling can boost dopamine output in your brain. So, I've resolved to live to try and create some smiles each day. I may not be able or allowed happiness, but I can at least try to be a candle in the bleakness of today's world. I call it smile protocol. Whenever I feel bad, Instead of going to a crutch or doing something stupid, I think about smile protocol and brainstorm ideas to create smiles for other people throughout the day. No one needs to worry about me. Self harm is both counter productive and a (frankly) cowardly cop out. At this point, if this is the life I am supposed to have, so be it.
I it can help, i've met my wife at 31, and after almost 24 yrs we're still in love and we have 2 daughters. I know it can be hard, but you'll never know.
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles @Lord-Marcus No one can deny that you have been through quite a lot over the past few years. It is understandable that you feel down on your luck; that is quite the series of hardships that you've had to endure. About the statement above, please consider two things. First, life is full of possibilities and you never know what tomorrow might bring, but there is no set schedule. People reach different landmarks at different times in their life. Just because you haven't achieved the milestones in your life that you wish to, doesn't mean that you won't in a year or three or five. Just keep trying and good things will eventually follow. Two, please don't dismiss small sources of happiness in your life. Even throughout these tough times, I'm sure you've had some successes and some positives. It's easy to lose sight of them when they're surrounded by a sea of negative events, but try to appreciate the small things that are good in your life. Treasure them and use them as an oasis to get you through the hard times. Even if they might feel insignificant or trivial, don't let them fall by the wayside. Enjoy each positive moment as much as you can. Absolutely brilliant my friend. You're a good person. We have very little control over what life brings our way; all we can control is what we output into the world. You have adopted a great approach. You keep at it and I sincerely hope that in time like minded people will aggregate around you. Best of wishes for the future, keep your head up.
Life is fuckin weird, guys. Chick I'm not familiar with (she was at a mutuals when I went over) flirted with me earlier this week. She then suggested more than just flirting. First time I've had someone directly interested in me for a long time. After talking to mutual friends, she does not pass the vibe check. If you dont understand that, basically I've been advised this is a no-fly zone by friends who I trust. Now I have to break said news that I'm not interested. I'm thinking lunch since at least it's in person and not over messenger. Letting someone down by text just seems cruel. One of those sucky moments where I can tell I've matured but it's relatively painful.