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AoS Sue and the Seraphons! my first AoS short story!

Discussion in 'Fluff and Stories' started by samheim, Aug 20, 2019.

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  1. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    Xavi motioned the air recovery team downwards.

    To Sue and the companions relief, they were finally returning to the solid ground again.

    The Ripperdactyls, swooped in gracefully to land in a flat farm field.

    The companions dismounted.

    "I'm still alive!" Chadsun said incredulously, jumping up and down on the solid earth.

    "Hard part, now" Xavi said to Chadsun.

    "What do you mean?" Sue replied instead.

    "Need cross Tendril Sea." Xavi said, as he pointed to a field full of cows.

    "Need feed rippers, meat, long journey, no stop. Meat make Rippers... difficult!" Xavi said handing Walter a gold ingot.

    "Buy six cow."

    Eligbert watched with wide eyes, as he saw the chunk of gold change from Xavi's hand to Walters.

    "Peter, Rudolph!, You heard, go find the farmer and give him this." Walter felt the heavy lump of gold in his hand.

    It must have been about ten years worth of wages for an officer, he thought to himself. He handed it to Peter Frankfurton.

    "When you find the farmer, tell him it's military concern. Don't let him see this." Walter said pointing to the primordial air crew.

    Rudolph and Peter ran off to find the farm house.


    Maw-gritch finally caught up with the Gutter Runner. Following its scent with his keen nose.

    He ran to where the Gutter Runner lay dying from exhaustion, propped up against a tree.

    "Which, way? quick" Maw-gritch snapped with little concern for the Gutter Runners plight.

    "South-we .. west." The Gutter Runner said weakly.

    "Go-go, now" Maw-gritch directed two clan rat's to dispose of the Gutter Runners body, and then ran as fast as he could back to the entry tunnel, that lead to the Vagulchden.


    Maw-gritch ran as fast as his hands and feet would carry him, through the narrow tunnels that lead into Clan Vagulch's main burrow.

    He finally emerged, squeezing himself though a tight hole, into a huge cavern. Endless Skaven toiled, some pushing great carts full of soil and others carrying food of various descriptions.

    The smell sat like treacle in the air. It was thick and heavy.

    Maw-gritch tussled through the teeming Skaven crowds, making his way towards Plague Seer Malgrix's personal burrow.


    Claus Dukemhausen, was in the barn tending to his pigs, when Peter and Rudolph found him.

    "Hello soldat's? can I helfps?" Claus said to the red faced Peter.

    "Yes" Peter said, breathlessly.

    "We are comen here, to take six of your cow." Peter finished.

    "VHAT!" Claus said furiously.

    "Wait, wait, we will compensate you." Peter said extending his arms, to calm the farmer down.

    "How?" Claus said.

    Peter handed Claus the gold ingot.

    Claus took the gold block suspiciously. He bit into it and scratched at it.

    "Oh mein heavens!" The farmers attitude had completely transformed.

    "Please I insist take ten cow!"


    Walter watched as the Skinks stretched and rubbed the Rippdactyls wings.

    "Eligbert, tell me. vhat the hell happen? how did you find my mutter's farm?" Walter said to the sitting wizard.

    "Well, it all started with that idiot over there" Eligbert said looking at Chadsun, who had gone to be sick in some trees.

    "Yes, continue please" Walter's curiosity making him impatient.

    "Well, he slapped one of the ladies at Shanty's lost Knickers across...." Eligbert said remorsefully shaking hie head.

    "And her coconuts flew off, and one of them hit another patron. And a brawl did take place."

    "The next thing I knew, the town guard appeared. And it was Peter and Rudolph. They were unsure what to do with me and Chadsun.
    So they decided to go and ask you."

    "How did they find me?" Walter asked again.

    "They went to every coach on main street, until they found someone who had given a yellow lizard a journey."

    Walter cursed teaching his men to use their own initiative, as he watched them returning from amongst the farm buildings.


    "Sir, the farmer said to take those cows in the field nearest to us. He said he was going to town,
    and would clean up tomorrow when he gets back, any mess." Peter Frankfurton said pointing to the grazing cows.

    Xavi stood up "Mount up!". The Skink pilots walked back to their Ripperdactyls and climbed on. The air troop took to the skies.

    Walter watched as they circled slowly around the grazing cows.

    "EERRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKKK" Xavi's Ripper let out a deafening shriek as it dived down claws extended. The cows started to run in panic.

    The Ripperdactyl was on them, tearing and biting at the cow. There were more shrieks as the rest of the beasts descended on the other cows.

    The Ripperdactyls seemed to come to life, eating with voracious appetites, great slabs of beef.


    "Great se.. seer" Maw-gritch snapped urgently, to the robed figure who was standing at a large round table with a huge map of southern Ghyran on it.

    "Yes yes? information?" Malgrix raised his head from the map, his eyes focusing on the Plague Monk.

    "South-West" Maw-gritch confirmed.

    The Plague Seer went back to study his map. He placed one finger with a large curled nail on a point on the map.

    "S so.. they reach the coast at her-hernia Promontory, cross sea." Malgrix traced his nail across the canvas map.

    "Has to be hot, for lizards. Hot-hot and wet." Malgrix pondered.


    Magrix turned to his attendee's.

    "All tunnelling operations to be redirected to-to the Dearth Coast!"

    Maw-gritch spoke again, "Your excellency, I poi-poision their flying mounts."

    "Good-good work, Maw-gritch" Magrix turned back to his map.

    "So-so let's see. five hours to cross the-the sea. Stomach Rot takes 8 hours to work-work." Malgrix plotted out an estimated
    zone on the map.

    "Need-need get there before them!" Magirx said snuffling his whiskers, as he tried to solve the difficult problem.


    "The Rocket Train!" Skit-warp-tail said enthusiastically, motioning with his hand, towards a mining cart with four rockets welded to either side of it.

    "Skit, is-is there any possibility, this will work-work?" Magrix said, trying hard to be optimistic.

    "Why, yes-yes of course my horse!" Skit said, a knowing smile exposing his big yellow rotten teeth.

    "When-when Skit-warp-tail, ever let Malgrix down?"

    Malgrix looked around Skit's workshop at various other destroyed contraptions.

    "Good-good. How many, that thing carry?" Malgix asked looking at it again.

    "One safely, two less safely." Skit replied.

    "Great, Maw-gritch for your great reward, for-for good work, you can go-go with Skit in Rocket Train!." Malgrix said rubbing his hands.

    Maw-gritch, passed his eyes over the suicide train. "Thank-you" He said.

    "When-when we going?" Skit asked Malgrix.

    "Now! this very moment! you must arrive at the other side, before they do. Follow them, mark trail."

    Malgrix watched as some slaves were employed by a burly looking Stormvermin to drag the Roket Train towards the entrance of the exploration tunnel.

    The rat men began to head towards the main tunnel hub of Vagulchden.

    "You arrive first-first, Night runners arrive tonight. Rest-rest of rats arrive tomorrow."

    "Main tunnel complete in 5 days. Then we all arrive." Malgrix said to Skit-warp-tail.


    The rat men stepped into the bustling rail network hub of Vagulchden. The great mouths of the tunnels that linked Vagulchden to the continents of Ghyran shot off in all directions.

    Malgrix headed towards the tunnel heading south west. There was a constant stream of Skaven carrying carts of clay and rock exiting the tunnels mouth.

    He approached the foreman, who was distributing orders to the worker rats.

    "When-when, last rat down the exploration tunnel-tunnel" Malgrix asked.

    "three hours, group of twenty going out" The foreman answered.

    "Skit your journey on Rocket Train might be bumpy" Malgrix said.

    The slaves brought the Rocket Train to the entrance of the small exploration/service tunnel at the side of the main tunnel.

    "Left-left! right, back there!" Skit told them, lining up the Rocket Train's wheels on the small gauge tracks.

    "Get, ready go - to go!" Skit handed Maw-gritch a padded helmet with some goggles.

    Maw-gritch looked at the exploration tunnels entrance as he climbed in the Roket Train, it was barely as tall as the cart. He ducked down further as Skit climbed in as well.

    "Ok good luck-luck!" Malgrix squeaked, asthe slaves pushed the Roket Train to the mouth of the very snugly fitting exploration tunnel.

    A muffled voice replied back "stan woo bark."

    Malgrix waited for a few moments... Nothing was happening.

    "Go see what problem" He pointed at the foreman.

    "fizzzzisssss" The foreman went to poke his head into the mouth of the tunnel.



    The warpstone powered rockets on the Rocket Train finally ignited. The foreman was caught in back blast, and killed instantly, his fur singed and the whip falling from his smoking paw.

    The sound the Rocket Train made shooting off down the tunnel was deafening.

    Malgrix smiled, as it began to grow fainter.

    He looked at the mouth of the exploration tunnel. The tracks were glowing red from the warp rockets.

    "Wait for twenty min-minutes, for tracks to cool, then rest of you go." Malgrix said to the five hundred or so rat men, he had ear marked for the advance scouting mission of the Dearth Coast.

  2. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    The two rocketeers hurtled along the service tunnel at warp-stone rocket speed!

    "WHOOOOOOO, WHOOOOOO SQUEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK" Skit screamed, the warlock engineer truly experiencing the zenith of enlightenment.

    "Shut-shut up, or kill-kill you now!" Maw-grith shout-squeaked at him.

    "Ea-easy, ba-ba bay bay!" Skit shouted back laughing, over the roar of the rocket thrust.

    "Right, that's-that's it!" Maw-gritch wrapped his arm round Skit's neck and bit him on the shoulder.

    "ArrrggggHHHHHH, wha-what you do that for?!" Skit elbowed Maw-gritch in the ribs.

    The two rats tussled in the Rocket Train.

    "Ok,ok stop n-now!" Maw-gritch released his arm from Skit's neck.

    Skit wasted no time contemplating why Maw-gritch had sneak attacked him, and went instantly back to his merrymaking.

    "errr... er .er er.. huh huh huh... uh uh uh woooohhhppp"

    Maw-gritch, gave in, and accepted that his funeral would have the worst music in the mortal realms, as the Rootkit Coffin began to tilt round a bend.

    "No rat, more, fast-fast then Skit-wa-warp-tail!" Skit proclaimed.

    "No-no rat more in-insane." Maw-gritch stated.

    "More-more speed!" Skit reached for the rootkit accelerator control leaver.

    Maw-gricth tried to grab his hand, but was to slow. Skit sunk the lever down as far as it would go.

    The thrust of the rootkits grew even louder, Maw-gritch was pinned to the back of the cramped cart, with
    Skit's back pressing against his chest. The cart's wheels glowed orange,red from the friction.

    The g-force pulled Maw-gritchs skin back over his face, exposing his toothy gums.

    Some times, in the Skaven life, you just got to live it, he concluded.

    "Whooooooo, squeeeke!" Maw-gritch cried.


    Walter looked pointedly at the returning Chadsun.

    "Zo, you vant to tell me about the coconuts?" He said sternly to Chadsun.

    "Oh, yes, Coconut tits. Well, I bet Eligbert didn't tell you his part in the story" Chadsun smirked at the wizard.

    "They were doing a choo choo train." Chadsun said, raising his eye brows.

    Sue blushed and looked nervous.

    "Vhats a choo choo train" Asked Walter.

    "Be thankful you don't know. But I did the right thing, when the wrong thing was easy. You know about that?" Chadsun looked at Walter with a fixed stare.

    "Vell, I faced death a few times." Walter said, meeting Chadsun's stare.

    "Being the hero when everyone wants you to be one, is easy, try being one when they don't want you to be." Chadsun, walked past Walter and onto the Ripperdactyls.

    Walter dismissed Chadsuns declaration, and walked towards Xavi, and the now agitated Ripperdactyls.


    Alfred watched as the air men in front of him disappeared into the huge portal gate. It was now his turn to pass through. Anxiety welled up inside him as he prepared to fly into the pitch black void in front of him.
    He watched as the his Rot fly's head touched the darkness, then he was inside the void.

    Bright lights flashed in Alfreds eyes. He felt his body being twisted and contorted. Time seemed to bend, he couldn't tell if it was a second or thousand years.


    Alfred heard shouting and loud bangs. He opened his eyes, and was met with a horrific visage. The
    Hellscape beside and in front of him, was filled with numberless crosses, jutting out from the ground.
    Nailed to the crosses were every conceivable creature. Men, women, elf, dwarf, knight, marauder, cattle, daemon,celestial.
    The light was brilliant, seeming to come from an unknown source. It illuminated every grimace and look of horror on the
    persecuted's face's.

    He shuddered as a weird feeling washed over him. In the distance was a huge castle. The Fortress Of Shameless Desires huge towers stood ominously over the forsaken land.

    On top of one of he towers a huge daemon stood watching the oncoming army. Alfred stared at the behemoth, which appeared to be one hundred times taller then Peter The Sinful.
    He felt a deep primitive feeling well up from inside him. He hated the daemon more then anything he had ever hated before, every fibre of his being, screamed at Alfred to murder the
    Daemon of Shameless Desires.

  3. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    "You and your children's lives Alfred, were not even worth one good fuck with the sexy town mayor."

    Alfred heard the Daemons voice inside his head.

    "She didn't fuck you, like she fucked him Alfred." The daemon filled Alfred's head with images of Louisa's and Eli's romance.

    "Her desire was shameless Alfred. I made it so." The daemon's sweet sick laughing rang through Alfred's head.

    He gripped his axe, and kicked at the Rot fly to usher it forward faster.

    "When you die here, at this palace of Slaanesh, like they all die. Louisa will go on until she is good and old.
    then after a life time of sin, beautiful sin, she will find Sigmar and all will be forgiven. A beautiful story, don't you think?"

    Alfred watched in the distance as the daemon began to flap it's wings.

    "You will be forever cursed for your wickedness, Alfred, there is no way out for you. HA HA HA!"

    "She killed little Lilly and Daisy, and made you commit your eternal soul to damnation. And she enjoyed those good
    fucks with Eli like you could never even dream of. You nobody. Ha HA HA HA." The daemon continued.

    Something inside Alfred, made him not care if the words were truthful. Only purpose composed him now. What ever maybe, maybe.

    "Alfred, how does it feel to be a nothing, and still loose it all? HA HA HA"

    The daemon pointed its hand towards the sky, and a huge warp rift appeared.

    Alfred was gripped with panic as he watched the distant daemon preparing to escape.

    "No!" Alfred screamed.

    "I can't stay here with a nobody like you Alfred. You and your shit potato sack shirt and pants. HA HA HA"

    The daemon made Alfred relive the Church of Sigmuntun experience from Louisa's perspective.

    He felt her seething hatred for him. He felt her burning misery, at him not being good enough. Alfred groaned sorrowfully.

    He then felt her lust for the other men of Sigmuntun.

    "You like my parting gift? Alfred you fucking wooden shack dwelling nobody?"

    "I promise you, as truthfully as the light from the stars illuminates the Mortal Realms at night, I will find you and I will kill you." Alfred screamed.

    "Yes, they all kill me. Yet their shameless desire burns on, as real as I am standing here. ."

    With that the daemon jumped into the swirling black vortex above it's head, and was gone.
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2019
  4. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    Claus Dukemhausen sat in the stage coach thumbing the gold ingot with strange exotic looking symbols etched into it.

    He felt the coach gently lift off of the ground and start to ascend.

    "That's quite a piece, what's it made out of?"

    A slender man with a ghostly white complexion, the only other passenger in the coach asked Claus.

    "The dreams of a dying star, but you already knew that." Claus answered.

    "Well yes, I did already know that. But how did you know, I knew that?"

    Claus raised his head slowly from studying the ingot, he peered out under the brim of his hat, his eyes met the vampire's grinning face, it's sharp fangs dripping with venom.


    Sue gripped on tight to Hugo's waist, the little Skink pilot totally focused on his mounts needs.

    The Ripperdactyls flew far more erratically now, making loud shrieking noises as they dipped and rose on the air currents.

    Walter watched as the coast passed underneath them and they were over the sea. The wind was stronger with less obstacles to impede it's flow now.

    They flew for hours over the crashing waves below, until finally night started to set in.


    "Choo Choo, something's not right with Gordo Pájaro." Xavi said, looking round to Choo Choo, who was his acting copilot.

    The Ripperdactyl was wheezing and spluttering. The moon illuminated the other Skinks, who were having trouble with their mounts as well.

    Sue screamed, as the Ripperdactyl she was riding dropped 100 feet all at once. She could see the black waves and hear them roaring in the darkness. Terror gripped her.

    The desperate and heroic Ripperdactyl Sue was riding, put aside it's agony, burning it's stomach and pulled up for the sake of his pilot.

    Xavi looked desperately around, and at the nightmare blackness beneath him, searching desperately for a landing spot, even though it was impossible to see in the darkness below.

    The air troop were not flying very high above the sea at all now.

    "Death Coming!" one of the pilots hissed drawing up close to Xavi and pointing behind him.

    Xavi turned his head, riding out of some clouds, a group of eight glowing ethereal skeleton horses, glowing a soft luminous green colour in the night sky. They were pulling a carriage. A dark cloaked figure sat in the drivers seat on top of the carriage.

    The Ripperdactyls now gyrated in the air, loosing altitude and then desperately trying to recover.

    The driver of the Black Coach tugged on the reigns, and the ethereal steeds galloped faster and faster through the sky. The Black Coach was now only 20 feet or so behind Sue and her pilot, and 10 feet or so below them.

    At that moment, Peter Frankfurton's mount finally gave in and twirled in agony in the sky, Peter fell still holding on to the Skink pilot.

    The driver of the Black Coach, in what seemed like something from a dream, shot forth his mighty whip, and it wrapped round Peter's wrist, tight, Peter holding on to his pilot Skink with one hand now, grabbed at the whip with all
    he could as it began to go taut.

    The driver struggled grabbing the whip with both hands, and digging his feet hard into the drivers stirrups, as he braced to take the weight.

    Peter and Skink pilot now dangled underneath the Black Coach. Peter motioned the Skink to climb up the whip, the Skink flew up the whip, Peter then began to pull himself up, with all the strength he could muster, knowing his life depended on it.

    He finally made it to the coach door, that the Skink had opened. Pulling himself up from the deck of the carriage and finally getting his legs on board, he kissed the carriage floor.

    Then looking up, he saw a dead, pale looking man with vicious looking fangs, bouncing up and down in the carriage seat. A silver musket ball was lodged in his eye socket and a wooden stake driven through his heart.

    "Mein friend, just throw him out will you." Peter looked out the door window to see the driver.

    "The farmer!" Peter shouted joyfully!

    "Ya, Ya, the farmer, and retired Grand Professor at the Hamborgen School Of Witch Hunters." Claus Dukemhausen, shouted back.

    "Now, let's get the rest of your yellow friends to their space ship." Claus said, as he skilfully manoeuvred the Black Coach beneath the failing Ripperdactyl squadron.
  5. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    "Hurry-hurry up!" Snout-Fast-Liar The Gutter Runner pack leader, urged his troop to keep up the pace, as they navigated the cramped, pitch black service tunnel.


    "What is th-that?" Snout squeaked.



    "Shhhhhoooooooooooooo" The sound was growing a little louder.

    "IN TO MAIN TUNNEL NOW-NOW" Snout screeched, blind panic filling him.

    "NOW, NOW, NOW"

    He jumped at the side of the service tunnel and began to dig with his hands and feet, his sharp claws tearing at the hard mud.


    The other gutter runners jumped on top of Snout and each other, desperately clawing at the mud as well.

    "SHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" The terrible noise was starting to become very loud.

    "YES YES!" the soft wall separating the service tunnel began to give way.

    "ME FIRST!" Snout yapped, as he kicked his legs as hard as he could against the mud wall, knocking a hole through. He jumped out, and fell 30 feet down, landing on the hard new rail tracks of the main tunnel, shattering his ankle. "AGGGGHHH" He squawked in pain. Other member's of the troop then began to land on top of him. His head smashed hard against the
    other rail track, as another gutter runner lander directly on top of him.

    "WHAT-WHAT you doing? damaging main tunnel ceiling" An angry looking Stormvermin foremen squeaked aggressively at the pile of gutter runners.


    "WHAT NOISE, WHAT NOISE?" the foreman, shout-squeaked confused.

    The main tunnel began to shake, under the force of the Rocket Train's thrust.

    "RUN, EVERY RAT FOR HIMSELF'S" The foreman Squeaked, running and jumping over the pile of Gutter Runners, Wetting himself at the same time.

    The pungent smelling urine of the foreman splashed over Snout's face, reviving him to his suffocating agony.

    Snout looked at the ceiling, the thunderous roar coming from the service tunnel, was met with huge blankets of flame that poured through the hole connecting the two
    tunnels as the Rocket Train passed by.

    The highly toxic warp fumes filled the main tunnel, chocking some of the gutter runners, who didn't leave the pile in time.

  6. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    The huge swarm of Rot fly's began to draw close to the Fortress of Shameless Desires.

    "Ain't that a thing yall" General Lee addressed his entourage.

    "Get those platforms inbound, we gon need crack some holes in that piece of rock." No sooner had General Lee finished, several huge tightly packed balls of Rot flies, began
    to hover to the front of the swarm.

    "3, 2 ,1 let em know!" General Lee's clapped his decaying hands together,

    The balls of Rot Flys dispersed and revealed some flat steel platforms with dozens of cannons mounted on them, held in place by a dozen or so heavy duty pack flys.

    The cannons instantly erupted, fire and smoke belching out of the furious gun mouths.


    The first platform's gun's, fired in tight sequence.

    The heavy cannon balls made their loud scream's as they tore through the sky, before smashing into the obsidian walls of the Fortress of Shameless Desires, and bouncing off

    "Look out!" Alfred shouted, spotting a small flicker of light on the fortress's midnight black walls.

    The fortress came to life, hundreds of hatches opened all over the front facing wall. Hundreds of Slaneesh sorcerers stood in the open windows, and began to hurl
    bolts of energy and other more wicked magics at the flat footed 7th air cavalry.

    "DOWN NOW, GO FAST AND LOW" General Lee, shouted as his steed dipped downwards towards the ground.

    Bulbous Mike, was sprayed with ichor and body pieces from a smitten Blight King.

    "Whats that goo?" Mike bellowed.

    "Oh shit, yall, those sum nasty bastards fo real. Air men good luck, we goin all in. Demon hood to anyone who takes out one of those Penile Cannons." General Lee's voice
    rang out clearly though Alfred's helmet, even though he was half a mile to General Lee's flank.

    The Hedonists manning the fort, had unleashed huge weapons that shot forth the essence of life itself. Alfred could just about make out one of the non mechanical artillery pieces
    that was in a lower window. It was more or less the size of free city galleon's cannon, but it was actually a giant penis. He watched as the balls of the cannon, began
    to contract again, and it fired its sticky shot into the air again. The goo splashed over some of the pusgoyle blightlords above Alfred, it also stuck to the wings of the mounts and
    they began to drop like stones, towards the earth. The Blight Lords who had been covered with the goo, now desperately fought against it, as it began to solidify.

    The losses to the 7th air cavalry were appalling. In just a few moments, thousands of air men had been sent their way to Nurgles cauldron. Regardless the flying army pushed on,

    Their numbers were simply irresistible, and flying as fast as they could, they got ready to charge the occupants of the Fortress.

    Alfred readied himself to leap from his mount and into the fortress.

    Cashoot, cashoot, cashoot, the noise of thousands of shutters being closed all at once. The Fortress had become the black lifeless smooth stone again.

    The front Rot Fly's smashed into the hard surface, splattering themselves to pieces on the solid rock face.

    pandemonium ensured, as the following Blight Lords tried to stop their mounts dead in the air, from the all out charge they had been making.

    "Well yall, the good news is, they can't do that trick again. We here now. Everybody look for openings." Geneal Lee said as he hovered about 40 feet off the ground, staring at the blank surface of the fortress.
  7. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    "Well yall, no use floating around up here, yall need to get down there and start digging in".

    General Lee said, frustrated after spending several hours with his army, looking for an entrance in the pitch black stone, and failing.

    He watched for a while, as Blight Kings dismounted and began digging trenches with their picks, in a circular perimeter around the fortress. He then to began to
    drift on his Rot Fly downwards and land next to Sweet Pus and Kirkah.

    "So, any ideas?" General Lee said to the master mage.

    "Yes, these walls are made from the stuff in between the realms, you can't get into the fortress, because its not really here. Its just a portal to somewhere else."

    "Hey! if, it's not here, how did those windows open and they shoot my boy's?" Lee replied frustrated to the mage.

    "The Fortress of Shameless desires, was here at that moment, but it then went away again. It returns to this point intermittently it would appear. It then travels somewhere
    else in the Chaos Realm. This black rock, is just a husk, but its not actually rock at all, it's a stabilised rift in reality, that is filled with nothingness." Sweet Pus said thoughtfully.

    General Lee rubbed his chin, "So, what your saying, is that the fortress is basically the same shape as this black stuff, and it fills this space when it returns?"

    "Yes that's it Robert."

    "So is there anyway to get the fortress to appear here again? and is there anyway to get inside the fortress?" General Lee asked, doubting the likeliness of his own question.

    "Well, that I wouldn't kn..."

    "The Daemon is the key to the fortress!" Alfred interrupted. "It follows him, where ever he goes, it's his trophy hall."

    "And how would you know this." Sweet Pus snapped, vexed at the farmer-barbarians interruption.

    "I just know. It was in my head, speaking to me. I told it I was going to kill him, and he left to spite me." Alfred said it a quiet careful voice.

    "And why would the Daemon of Shameless Desires, who has lived for eternity, want to spite you Alfred? you and you alone, out of the one million other damned souls here?" Sweet Pus asked with an
    air of dismissiveness.

    "It's to do with revenge, Shameless Desires must go un-avenged. He knew I would suffer more, if he let me live."

    "Yes and why you, Alfred? You think out of all these men standing here, you are the only one with a colourful story?" Sweet Pus snapped again, his patience running thin.

    "I don't know why me." Alfred said, Sweet pus'es words seeming to knock him back down to reality, in the unreality they were standing in.

    "Well, Sweet Pus, Could that daemon be the key?" General Lee interjected, thoroughly enjoying Alfred's story.

    "What difference does it make if he is? It just means, we can't find him or his fortress. We have two things we can't find, instead of one thing we can't find." Sweet Pus answered Lee.

    "Ahh, dayum." General Lee sighed.

    "Right yall, stop digging those trenches, Look's like we won't be going any further into the Pervert Princes abode for now. Just another dead end."

    General Lee's army began to remount their steeds and return to the portal they had entered the Fortress of Shameless Desires domain from.

    Alfred watched as the endless ranks of the 7th Air Calvary made their way back through the portal from whence they had came. He turned his head to stare one last time at the
    endlessly dark silhouette of the fortress.

    "Not ready to leave Vullox?" Kirkah said, noticing Alfred's fixed gaze.

    "No, not really, Kirkah. The part of me that's missing is somewhere in that darkness." Alfred said with melancholy.

    "Yea, but maybe it's better it stays lost there." Kirkah stated as he turned away from Alfred and instead watched the Blight Kings and their mounts disappear into the portal.
  8. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    The sombre skinks clustered on the top of the black coach, next to Claus Dukemhausen.

    "Zo tell me mein yellow fellows, where did your space city depart from" Claus bellowed as he held the reigns to the ethereal steeds briskly cutting through the night sky, over the
    angry sea below.

    "No know, depart long before we were born." Xavi answered.

    "Oh I zee, that is intresting. where were you going, why travel zo far away?" Claus shouted again."

    "Take Restful One to reunion." Xavi shrieked back.

    "Who is Restful One?" Claus belted again.

    "She is the passenger we take to reunion." Xavi stated.

    "Well what does she look like?" Claus asked again.

    "Don't know, no one has ever seen her, who is alive now. loading crew die of old age, two hundred generations ago. Passenger's chamber is sealed." Xavi finished, his eyes rolling around independently as he looked
    at the unnatural steeds and the clouds that were passing by, below the black coach.

    "Why you stop in the realm of Ghrynn?" Claus said, filled with curiosity.

    "Tuti say we need stop here."

    "Who is Tuti"

    "Tuti is the head of the Council of Star Masters for the temple of the Restful One."

    "Land ahoy!" Claus and Xavi were interrupted by the ecstatic Chadsun, who had his head protruding through the coach's window, as to not befoul the interior of the
    carriage with vomit.

    "Ahh yes, the Dearth Coast!" Claus exclaimed, as the unmistakable jungle covered chalk hills, illuminated by the moon, began to drift into view.
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2020
  9. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    Maw-gritch all of a sudden felt a light sinking feeling in his stomach, as he heard a loud "floop" sound.

    "skarrrrrr snik snik" The plague monk cried in defiance as he prepared to meet the great horned one.

    The Rocket Train, shot out of the end of the service tunnel and went several hundred feet into the air, it's nose then began to dip earthwards.

    Skit-warp-tail was in no mind to quit his celebrations.

    "Woo, woo, woo!"

    "Oh no no - please!" Maw-gritch mumbled faintly to himself, ignoring the maniac sitting on top of him.

    Maw-gritch felt the trajectory of the Rocket Train change, as it began to hurtle towards the ground.

    So this is it, i die! He thought to himself. He lifted his right paw, and placed it over his eyes.

    The cart, miraculously hit the ground with a perfect angle, its hard, solid wheels tearing up the Jungle floor.

    The cart began to slow, and then came to a violent stop as it crashed into a tropical fruit tree.

    Skit-warp-tail was flung forward and smashed his long snout into the front of the cart.

    Maw-gritch piled in on top of him, then they both fell backwards.

    "I not dead?" Maw-gritch said astonished.

    "I not die?, no-not die!" he said to himself again.

    "I think I broke a bone" Skit yelped as he clasped at his long snout, trying to stifle the torrent of blood, leaking from his nostrils.

    "We not dead! we not dead!" Maw-gritch rejoiced.

    Maw-gritch grabbed at the ceiling of the Rocket train, and tried to slide it forward. It was un-movable. He desperately looked for a reason to explain it.


    Snoot-tender-paws, had been running advance guard duty at the exit of the service tunnel, when he had heard the thunderous roar of the Rocket Trains propulsion system
    approaching the end of the service tunnel's rail tracks.

    He had ordered his troop of fifty gutter runners back into the the jungle and to lie low.

    They had watched, as the mining cart with huge gout's of flame, launched from the tracks and high into the air, then landed and crashed into a coconut tree. The upper half of the tree
    had toppled on top of the mining cart.

    Snoot quickly ran towards the cart with half a dozen of his gutter runners, while the rest of them spread out into the forest, on high alert in case anyone had been alerted to their position
    by the commotion of the Rocket Train.

    "Quick move-move the tree!" Snoot could hear scratching and loud squeaking from inside the cart.

    Finally the gutter runners were able to remove the foliage from the top of the cart. They slid the lid of the cart off.

    "AIR-AIR!" Maw-gritch leapt from the cart, taking big gulpfuls of air.

    "Rat do-down" Skit-warp-tail said to the gutter-runners peering over the lid of the cart.

    "Quickly, take-take the warlock to guard station. Fix-fix his snout." Snoot gestured with his paw, and the gutter runners carefully lifted the warlock from the cart
    and began to carry him towards the exit of the service tunnel, where the gutter runners had established a hidden supply cache.

    Maw-gritch regained his composure.

    "Quickly! do-do this now-now!" the plague monk said with much urgency.

    "Spread out gutter runners, along coast, look at the sky-sky. Flying lizards will arrive soon, we need to-to follow them, find their base-base, report location to Malgrix."

    "Quickly, disperse the order" Snoot squeaked. The gutter runners began to run off and pass around the order, finding the gutter runners, who had already delved deeper in the jungle.
  10. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    "Zo, where to now?" Claus shouted against the wind to the Xavi the air troop leader.

    "Head that way" Xavi pointed north west.

    "City of Hamborgan is two hours, this speed" Xavi added.

    "Yes I know's the vay's to Hamborgan, I thought ve vere taken you to your temple" Claus said looking confused.

    "Not allowed take, outsiders to Temple Of The Restful One." Xavi said frankly.

    "Oh come on, look at us, ve are only seven, ve not an army." Claus said smiling at Xavi.

    Xavi thought long and hard.

    "Yes you come to Temple Of The Restful One. But not up to me, if you leave." Xavi said, his left eye flickering round to focus on Claus.

    "Okay, okay, that's an expense I pay." Claus said winking at the Skink.


    The commandeered Black Coach passed over the coast, and began to head west as per Xavi's instructions.

    The adventurers, Skink pilots and Claus watched as morning began to brake, revealing the endless thick jungle below.

    The Black Coach travelled further and further inland, Claus from his vantage point watched as the jungle below began to thin, and then start to clear,

    Finally in the distance the faint outline of the Temple Of The Restful One began to take form on the horizon.

    "Mein god! it's huge!" Claus exclaimed.

    "Yes, it is very big" Xavi said, winking at the astounded Claus.

    Claus gazed in awe at the huge pyramid on the horizon for a few moments more.

    "Interceptors inbound, let me do this." Xavi said.

    "Huh where?" Claus said, looking around.

    He looked below, as hundreds of Ripperdactyls began to rise up from the forest beneath them.

    Xavi began to shriek a series of high pitched whistles.

    A huge Ripperdactly with a Skink covered in brightly covered feathers drew level with the Black Coach.

    "Xavidollas, what you doing?" Nortondo said as he glared at the ethereal steeds.

    "It's hard to explain, need to put down. Recover agent Choo Choo. Need audience with Tuti."

    "Xavidollas, you broke first rule. And bringing undead to temple of the restful one? I can't help you get out of this trouble" Nortondo waved his reptilian hand to the
    Sky Defenders, motioning them to back off.

    "Okay take it down. Land outside perimeter." Nortondo began to dip downwards on his flying beast.

    Claus tugged the reigns three times and the ethereal steeds began to descend, he followed Nortondo to the landing zone.

    The Black Coach touched down on the uneven cleared jungle floor. He brought the coach to a standstill, about fifty or so burly walking lizards with black and gold clubs, quickly surrounded the coach.

    Xavi excitedly whistled and clicked. The Saurus stopped and raised their shields.

    "What is this Xavidollas? you bring a necromancer to The Temple Of The Resful One? Our home?" the low heavy tone of the voice, seemed to make the Black Coach vibrate.

    "Garakas, not necromancer! this is undead hunter from Hamborgen!" Xavi pleaded to the Saurus Scar Veteran.

    "Wait there, all of you, including you Xavi, this is matter for his excellence Luhumi to decide." Garakas said giving a very serious look. Claus held the reigns and looked directly forwards,
    afraid of making eye contact with the lizard beasts.

    Meanwhile Sue and the other human passengers who had travelled inside the Black Coach, observed the hostile looking lizards through the coache's windows.

    Time passed, Claus's mouth was very dry. He dared to peek round from the corner of his eye, and he could see Garaka's still standing mutely staring at him.

    "Fiizzzappps!" Claus turned his head to where the noise was emanating from. He saw as light and sparks began to converge into a very fat bloated reptilian like creature,
    It was sitting on a stone throne and had disproportionately small limbs for it's body.

    Claus watched anxiously as it began to talk in a slow croaky rumbling voice.

    "Xavidollas, what is the meaning of this? you bring our enemies to our home?" Luhumi said his huge eyes transfixed on the Skink troop leader.

    "Luhumi your excellence, we find Choo Choo he has important information. My human friend Claus, kill vampire, and steal coach. He save me and all my pilots. Rippers poisoned, die half way home." Xavi said meekly.

    Luhumi contemplated for a moment. Then raised his small hands and began to mouth some words in a strange spidery tongue.

    An orb of energy appeared above the coach and started to spin rapidly, the ethereal steeds shrieked and struggled, a moment later they were sucked into the orb, other
    spirits were sucked out of the coach too, leaving it drained of it's supernatural animation.

    The coach fell abruptly forward, Sue fell on top of Chadsun who had been sitting opposite her. "Get off me!" Sue said,

    "No it was an accident!" Chadsun said. "Well why is your hand still cupping my breast? you can move it now!" Sue snapped angrily.

    "I just put my hand there, otherwise your breast would squash against my pauldron, for crying out loud women, not all men are sexual perverts! and also I am board of seeing your big floppy tit's now anyway" Chadsun stated defiantly.

    "Oh fuck off." Sue said pushing her way off Chadsun and outside of the carriage.

    "Greetings man things." Luhmi said as he watched Sue and the companions line up beside the now exorcised Black Coach.

    "This is our temporary home in the realm of Ghyran. You have been granted permission to bask in the awesome presence of the Restful One." Luhmi said, amused at the humans terrified faces.

    "You can relax, we are not going to eat you." Luhmi said jokingly.

    "Well that's something I zuppose!" Claus responded.

    "I never meet a manfolk before, but I hear much about you." Luhmi said.

    "Come with me, we will go to eat, while Xavi and Choo Choo report their findings to his excellence Tuti." The excited Luhmi said beckoning the adventures to follow him, as his throne floated along the road leading to the large
    encampment outside the giant pyramid overshadowing them.
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2020
  11. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    Luhumi lead the companions along the road, the Saurus marched either side of the companions. Garakas stood at the front, in between Luhumi and Sue's party.

    "Your probably wondering why we speak your language?" Luhumi asked the group.

    "Well, let me tell you, it is you, who actually speak our language!" Luhumi continued to waffle on.

    "I can only devise, that some children of the passenger found their way here many generations ago, and decided to craft you man things."

    "Your gods?" Claus asked carefully.

    "Good heaven's no. We are just humble attendees to the passenger." Luhumi said, his thick croaking voice chuckling.

    "Vill ve get's to meet the passenger?" Claus asked enthusiastically.

    "Unfortunately not I am afraid. The passenger will not be awake for many generations yet. Not until the Reunion Of The Stars."

    Sensing Claus's next question Luhumi continued.

    "We came from beyond the nebula, at the edge of everything. We travelled a distance that has so far taken the length of time, of two hundred generations of Slann.
    We are headed for the centre of everything. There we will meet the passengers siblings."

    "What's a nebula?" Asked Sue.

    Luhumi paused for a moment.

    "Something that's very far away. Now let us discuss what it is, we are to eat. Our Skink artisans will prepare a banquet that is harmonious with your palate."

    "Well I like fish." Sue answered.

    "Well then, fish it shall be." Luhumi said, as they began to approach the out skirts of the encampment.
  12. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    "Here-here" The returning gutter runner headed towards where Snoot-tender-paws and Maw-gritch were hiding beneath some large leaves in the jungle.

    "No-not possible go futher. See many, many lizards men. Skinks up ahead, every-everywhere guarding." The gutter runner said beathing heavily.

    "Good-good, Snoot pull out your troop, no-no risk Seraphon discover we are here. Mark path back here. Wait-wait for main tunnel construction." Maw-gritch squeaked quietly.

    "Wait-wait, why-stop? me survey lizards. Find best spot for attack-attack!" Snoot replied with his nasally voice.

    "No not important, Malgrix bringing everything. Sur-surprise only important. return to coast-tunnel now." Maw-gritch insisted, as he turned and began to move hurriedly back the way they had came.

    Snoot waited until Maw-gritch was out of ear shot.

    "Everyone return-return. Except you Fat-toes. Keep secret, go-go and find Seraphon ship. No-no fail." Snoot then turned and began to follow Maw-gritch out of the jungle.
  13. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    Falk Zimmermann tilted his head upwards to stare at the sign above the miners refuge.

    "Hamborgen, Free City Of Friends"

    The sign had a picture of a noble man clinking an ale mug against a stout looking dwarfs tankard.

    "Com on ya fairy, scared of ya beer!"

    Falk turned his head to meet his rotund dwarven friends serious face.

    "Nils, I am not drinking with you all night again. It's hard enough to wake up as it is, without the headache!".

    Nils Bergström, frowned profusely, it had been a long day for the Iron Breaker.

    "Ya hear, boy's, the captain of the Hamborgen Hammer Fellows, is to fooking panzy, to drink with us!"

    The dozen or so dawrfs began to howl with laughter.

    "No, it's not that, it is you are so depressing! I don't want to hear negative stories in the few hours leisure time I have free from the mine, before I have to sleep"

    Falk, said agitated.

    "You fooking coont!" Nil's said, a hurt expression covering his pudgy face.

    "You think we stunties don't know how to have fun hey?"

    "Fookin coont!" Nils finished.

    "Ok, ok, show me this fun then." Falk sighed.

    "I show you fooking fun you uptight coont!"

    Falk realising he had very little choice but to endure another evening drinking in the tedious mining refuge, shook his head.

    "Look you wee bairn, I been havin fun, fun like you don't know, since before your grand da hav his first wank. Ya dare tell me about fun, you funny coont!"

    The furious Nils, lifted his bulky arm above his head and reached for the door handle.

    "Fookin, fun, coont."
  14. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    "For, fuck sake's, why do you have to shit in the night when we are all in the cell?" Othmar shouted in frustration.

    "I can't help it, I do when I need to go." Utz replied, his face red with embarrassment as he squatted over the filthy wooden bucket.

    "Prrrrrrrrpt!, ka sploosh, ks sploosh"

    "oh mein gawd!"

    Othmar struck at his flint, desperately trying to light the char cloth on top of his pipe.

    "I swears, this is the last time I warn you Utz, you do this again, and I am going to drown you in that bucket of your own shit."

    Körbl sat on his bed, covering his face with his dirty shirt. He was to tired after the day breaking rocks at the mine to bother complaining.

    His wrists were sore from where the iron shackles had sat all day long, he leaned back and fell into a deep sleep, mercifully not having to remain conscious in the stinking cell.

    "At last!" Othmar, finally got his pipe lit, he sucked on the pipe hard, blowing out billowing clouds of smoke, in the hope that the strong tobacco would mask the smell of the defecation.

    Utz, finally stood up, he placed his pillow over the bucket in an attempt to contain the aroma. He walked over to his bunk which was below Körbl's bed, and climbed inside and pulled the covers over himself.

    Othamar was furious, that another night he would not be able to unwind. He couldn't think about his old life outside, he couldn't think about day dreams or anything he liked to.

    The stench was over powering, and made his escapism impossible.

    Cursing, exhausted, he climbed into his own bed, and pulled the covers over his head.
  15. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    The day dragged, as it often did after binge drinking, Falk somehow managed to keep upright, mechanically going through the motions, as he ordered his guards to perform their various duties.

    "Hey, major Falk?" Othmar shouted.

    "Vat is it?" Falk snapped wearily, trying hard to make his iron cold image convincing.

    "Vee finish loading the sixteen carts. Can vee have brake now sir?" Othmar asked the warden sincerely.

    Falk frowned, "Yes, I zuppose zo. 30 minutes and no more. Go over there with Vladislav, I don't want the other prisoners to zee you."

    "Thank you, Falk." Othamar turned to Utz and Körbl "Come , let's go."

    They turned and walked off towards the back of the mine entrance. The three of them lifted up the iron chains linking their shackles together, as they awkwardly shambled
    towards the stony clearing.

    "I would sell my soul for a pork steak and potatoes" Utz said sadly.

    "Utz, fuck sake's, nein talking about food." Othmar snapped.

    "Vell vat am I zuppose to talk about then?" The hurt and frustrated Utz said in a voice that was almost breaking up.

    "Zomething, we don't all vant, and can't have." Othmar said, as he sat down on a large granite rock. Utz and Körbl took their places on the rock as well, the men's shackles clanging noisily against the granite.

    The time passed as they sat quietly, gazing at the beautiful scenery mount Frikadellen had to offer. All three men lost in their own thoughts.

    "cough, cough cough" Körbl began heaving, his chest ruptured by a heavy phlegm laden cough. He spat out a large lump of the stuff on to the ground in front of them.

    "Not holding up to good?" Othmar said, emphatically.

    "Nein, thoze depths are killing me."

    Othmar observed the black lump of phlegm. Not really knowing what to say. Othmar knew it was bad, there was no making light of it. There was also no way out of
    spending the second half of their day down in the sooty depths with those asshole dwarfs.

    "Vell, ya know, Friday today! vhen vee get back to the canteen tonight, it should be pig hoof and porridge for dessert, all the stuff you need to get vell again."

    Körbl looked at the old ganger and gave a sad smile, "One day, this all be behind us hey?".

    "Ya, sure." Othmar paused for a moment "One vay or dee other."

    "Ok let's go and zee that coont Nil's" Othmar said imitating Nils gruff voice.

    The men stood up and began to make their way towards the front of the mine.


    Chadsun gazed dumbfounded at the huge lizard temple, casting a long dark shadow over the entire encampment area.

    "Here is you fish sir." Chadsun looked approvingly as the serving skink laid the large wooden platter down on the table. The fish had been expertly grilled and
    the smell of the parsley and garlic sauce was like music to Chadsun's nostrils.

    "That's really something" Eligbert exclaimed, as he unfolded his travelling knife and fork, and began to cut the fish into manageable chunks.

    Luhumi smiled with delight as his own much larger platter loaded with a huge conga eel was placed in front of him.

    Another service Skink placed a large basket of bread rolls on the table. Claus grabbed hungrily at the roll, and broke it in half and began to eat it.

    He noticed that although it looked like bread it was definitely not made out of wheat. However the taste made for quite a nice compliment to the Sea Zander they were eating.

    "Let me show you something"!" Luhumi said, he picked a chunk of bread up and began to swirl it around his plate.

    "You see! this is how I scoop up all the goodness!" Luhumi gave Claus a knowing smile.

    The middle aged Claus felt all eyes on him, as he benifited from the ancients feeding lesson.

    "Ya thanks, that's zomething new, I make sure I do zis from now on." Claus said, feeling rather silly.

    Sue felt a cool breeze on her skin in the late afternoon, the hot sun now beginning to make it's decent in the west.


    "So agent Choolil'dact'fodailius, what are your findings?" Tuti said as he sat upon his great stone throne inside a large canvas tent that had been erected as the
    Seraphons command station.

    "Your excellence, is very bad news. Travel to the Never Green Peaks, past the river Clot. Dirty One's cut huge hole in ground, dark things walk from it." Choo Choo finished.

    Tuti rubbed his chin with his small hand. "What does it look like they are doing?" He asked Choo Choo.

    "Don't know, the hole is well hidden, in between many tall mountains on all sides."

    "How did you survive in such cold Choo Choo?"

    "I only went to foot of Never Peaks. Paid man spy, much gold to investigate."

    Tuti exhaled, as if blowing out all of the tension. "Well then, how do we know he didn't falsify his findings?" He said one eye lid raised higher then the other one.

    "Dirty One's chase me! half way across Gyrahn. Big powerful Dirty One."

    "Yes that does seem a cause for concern. We will make preparations to leave Gyrahn within the next week."
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2020
  16. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    "Come on, ya bastid dirty coon'ts!, get down that fookin hole!"

    Othmar groaned "ahh, shit, the little bastid has the blood today."

    "Körbl, come on, your a skinny coon't, this hole looks just the right size for you." Nils loud abrupt voice from beneath his helmet, inside the cramp mining tunnels,
    felt like putting one's head inside a church bell, Othmar thought to himself.

    "Nein, I'm sick today. Nils. I don't.." Körbl protested.

    "You, You fooking, coon't, don't you think I am sick to? I am sick to my back teeth of having to look at you disgusting scums. You scums. Thiefs, murderers, rapiest!
    You think you get any sympathy from me? now get down that fooking hoole you coon't or else your be going down a wet tunnel instead."

    "Nil's, I am imprisoned for not paying duty on imported medical supplies." Körbl said indignantly.

    "You fooking bastid! You think that's ok then? what about all the people who depend on that money that you tried to cheat them of?"

    "Nil's you really are a piece of shit you know?" is what Körbl heard himself say to Nils in his head.

    Instead he made his way over to a small pitch black hole at the end of the tunnel. Wrapping a rope around his waist, he began to descend into the cramp dirty hole.
    He fought back against the claustrophobia that washed over him, running up his back and then up through his throat.


    "Ho Ho Ho Ho, Oh Oh Oh Oh, Ho Ho Ho Ho, Ho Ho Ho HO, MEIN TAG IST at an end OH OH OH OH, HO HO HO HO, OH OH OH OH, HO HO HO HO, HO HO HO HO,
    Das Licht ist am Ende, HO HO HO HO,

    Othmar sang along with the rest of the convicts as they returned to Brignor Gefängnis. Othmar noted Utz enthusiam, as he belted out the song, his loud booming voice
    standing out. Körbl was to weak to sing, he mumbled under his breath between coughing.

    "Friday! Körbl! two days in doors!" Othmar said in a cheerful voice.

    Last edited: Feb 11, 2020
  17. samheim

    samheim Well-Known Member

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    Fat-toes waited patiently for the sun to set. He had memorised the positions of all the skink patrols in front of him. He lay prone on the jungle floor, covered in bark and
    mud, his head rested underneath a log of some sort. Insects crawled all over him, he resisted the urge to itch himself.

    Finally the sun began to set. He watched as the light began to evaporate. Stealing his chance he carefully began to leave his hiding hole. He crept towards the skink guards.

    He carefully passed over the forrest floor, making almost no sound. He saw his opening, a six yard gap between two of the skinks. He dashed forward.

    Fat-toes cried out a contorted squeak as the javelin tore through his back and proceeded through his belly. He fell forwards to the floor writhing, the shaft of the
    flexible javelin protruding from his back waved rapidly in the air. Cursing he wondered why he had presumed the skinks couldn't see in the dark.


    Tuti eyed over the strange rat man like creature, the proud skink patrol lizard displayed in front of him.

    "Hmmpff" he frowned perplexed.

    "Go and fetch me those menfolk that arrived today."


    "Ya, Skavans." Claus said, acknowledging the filthy creature lying at Tuti's feet.

    "And what are these Skavans?"

    "Vell, I, ave never seen them before, but I read extensively about them. They are normally reported on the other side of Gyrahn, near the mountains."

    "What else did you read?" Tuti studied the overweight, grey bearded witch hunter.

    "Vell, there are normally a lot of them. It would not just be one rat, that found his way here by accident."

    "What do you mean a lot?" Tuti's big eyes focused as he weighed up contingency options.

    "Vell, I read that, when they attacked Düsheimdorf a century ago, there were so many of them, the great priest Luthor said, from the highest tower of his cathedral, out side the city walls there was no clear ground. Only rats going into the horizon on all directions.
    Allzo, its suspected that thee lost city of Colognistberg, fell to a skavans infestation, thirty years ago. But there is no survivors. Every living thing in the city have vanish. It's assumed that the rat men used all people, animals and so forth for food."

    "And what would you do Claus, if you were in charge of defending a city, and you found a skavans?" Tuti asked Claus in a sombre tone.

    "I vould run patrols day and night until I found their holes. I vould send for helpf." Claus said without hesitation.

    "What did the city of Düsheimdorf, do to repel the invasion?" The toad like lizard asked peering deep into Claus's pockmarked face.

    "Vell, Düsheimdorf was lost many years before, to a Vampire prince. Luthor was leading an expedition into the city, to reclaim a lost artefact that was inside the cathedral."

    Claus cleared his throat and continued.

    "The expedition was made up of only a few dozen men. They evaded the sentry's by using the old sewer tunnels that lead from the coast to the cathedral grounds.

    Thee Vampire or his undead could not enter the church because of powerful wards. They apparently did not even know Luthor was inside."

    Claus's voice took a more sinister tone.

    "The rat-men were heading for the Cathedral as well, having learned some how of the artefact as vell. Luthor became trapped in the cathedral, The rat-men were marching
    through the sewers allzo, blocking Luthor's escape route back to the sea."

    "SO!" The excited Slann shouted to loudly, unable to contain his enthusiasm to find out what had happened to Luthor.

    "Vell, the dead fought vell that day. Luthor said, that from the tower, he see's the Vampire prince, on a huge skeleton dragon, it kill many, many rat-men.

    Then many phantasm's appear and catch the Skavans by zurprise. He say there were zo many dead rat-men, he have to wait for months in thee cathedral, almost starving, while an army of ghoul's finish eating the dead rats."

    "But how did he survive for months? without supplies?" Tuti said perplexed.

    "Ya, good question. vhen Luthor returned on his own, he said it vas his faith that was his only substances he needed. It's widely suspected he vas eating soldiers he vent vith."

    "Well, what became of Luthor" Tuti said, as he imagined the scene in his head.

    "Zo, people say he drowned when he was swimming in the lagoon near his home. But his body was never seen."

    "And what was the artefact?"

    "Vell he said it was a talisman that would allow mortals to ascend to Azry. But he didn't bring anything back vith him. he say, he not able to find it."

    "And" Claus picked up on the toad lizard being more attuned then he had first appeared.

    "And this is the part, I am nein zuppose to tell anyone. I vent to Düsheimdorf fourteen years ago. I follow the sewer along to the city centre. Vhen I make it into the street, I find, there was no cathedral. There was no undead, nor had there ever been.

    "And so tell me Claus what did you find there?" The Slann's eyes had become narrow slits. Claus all of the sudden felt light headed.

    He raised his arm and pointed out of the canvas tent, "One of those."

    "I see." Said the Slann.

  18. hanskurt

    hanskurt Member

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    "Tuti, Tuti!"

    The Slann looked away from Claus, to look at the erratic skink who had just ran inside his command tent.

    "TUTI!" the skink yapped.

    "Speak to me" Tuti said in a thick croak.

    "Lord Tuti, advance team has discovered location of rat beings."

    "Yes? where? how many?"

    "Some hundreds or so, at the coast, maybe 20 miles from here." The skink replied.

    Tuti glimpsed at Claus and then looked away.

    "Your story is most interesting, some tales are meant to be concluded, but for now I must attend to matters at hand." The Slann croaked.

    "Ya, you excellency! please, allow me to go." Claus said quickly.

    Tuti thought over the fat mans request for a moment.

    "Yes, you may go, you will accompany one of the skink patrol teams in the assault."

    Tutti waved his disproportionately small arm, "Assemble all infiltration teams immediately."

    Claus watched as some of the attendant skinks in the tent darted off.

    "Come you" Tutti said, as he lead Claus out of the tent and onto the large clearing in front of it.


    Claus stood next to Tuti under the bright moon of the warm tropical night. He felt a light cool breeze on his face as he watched the hundreds of yellow skinks, make their way from the great pyramid and line up into neat rows in the clearing in front of Tuti.

    "My children, you are all but young. Today you are asked to fulfil a role that has not been asked of you or your ancestors for millennia.
    You have been lucky, you have only known the safety of the Temple Of The Restful One, lived a life full of her blessings.
    Now, you are asked to defend her peaceful sleep, so she may dream uninterrupted for a while yet."

    Tuti finished.

    The skinks full of enthusiasm began to stamp their feet.

    "Tuti, not fail you!" Claus watched as a skink cried.

    "Very well, good hunting, go now" Tuti exclaimed.

    "Except you" Tuti motioned to a dozen or so skinks in front of him.

    The skinks looked perplexed at lord Tuti.

    "This man shall accompany you."

    The skinks looked doubtfully at the fat man in front of them.

    "Ya zo, hi guys!" Claus said, trying to come across as fresh and exciting and failing miserably.


    Claus felt his chest tighten as he moved his legs as fast as he could trying not to slow the skinks down too much, as they made their way through the night time jungle.

    He could feel himself starting to stink, his sweat felt cold running down from his arm pits, on to the side of his belly.

    "Oh mein god!" he breathily cursed as he navigated his way through the thick jungle, brushing branches and leaves out of his way. He felt a pang of guilt that he was holding up the
    skinks he was with, from taking a more active role in their first military operation.

    "Certainly vas much nicer flying over the top of here then going through it!" he wheezed.

    "You too fat, eat less"

    Claus looked round at the skink who had made the statement, surprised to learn they were not devoid of a sense of humour.

    "Ya, ya, vell vhat can I say, I am zorry I zuppose." Claus said his face turning red with embarrassment.

    "Do you man-things not know when you eaten too much then?" Another skink asked.

    "I, errr... " Claus stuttered.

    "He's like Vacca Fosi! "

    The horrified vampire hunter, turned round to look at another of the yellow skinks who was making munching and mooing noises, as he reenacted walking around on all fours and pretending to munch on the jungle floor.

    The skink troop he was with, were in hysterics laughing, making strange puffy noises.

    "NEIN!" Claus shouted sharply.

    "Look at this. This is zuppose to be serious military operations. Vhere is your discipline?" The skinks quietened down.

    "Your big guy zend me vith you as an observer." Claus said gruffly.

    The skinks began to regain their composure. Claus understood the animosity they felt towards him, as all the other teams had now disappeared far into the distance.

    "Look guys, I'm zorry ve vont get there first."

    The annoyed skinks continued to walk at the slow pace set by Claus, towards the coast.


    Maw-gritch sat on a crate next to Skit-Warp-Tail beside the entrance to the service tunnel and watched as a continuous line of rat men emerged from it.

    A few hours before there had been but a few hundred of Skaven vermin, now the over worked service tunnel had disgorged thousands more on to the uncorruppted shores of the Dearth Coast.

    He continued to watch, then there was a breaking in the continuous stream of clan rats, as far bigger heavily armoured Storm Vermins began to spill through instead.

    A massive vermin then emerged from the tunnel and looked over towards him.

    "Maw-Gritch! I been sent to look-look after you."

    "Good-to see you Spine-spines." Maw-Gritch, used his leg to push out another crate, and offered the seat to the claw lord.

    "Malgrix than-thanks you warmly for excellent idea!" Spines said beaming.

    "Idea?" Maw-Gritch said, a snake of cold fear running up his back.

    "Expanding the-service tunnel into the-ma-main tunnel! Now we can load-load up-fast! A mere two hour-hours walk, now-now."

    "Oh, why of course-course! it's nothing! I have good-ideas, time- all the time." Maw-Gritch said with relief.

    "Ouunnnggggg, warggggggghhhhhhhhh!"

    There was a horrendous sound coming from the entrance of the tunnel now.

    "How-how fit Rat-Ogres in tunnel?" Maw-Gritch said with surprise.

    "Well, we-we had to strap them to some, to some wheel-wheels. Also, you can dislocate their shoulders a bit, to make them, like knife-knife shape.
    we also expand-expand the service tunnel a bit." Spines explained matter of factly.

    Maw-Gritch watched as the first folded up rat orgre was pushed through the tunnel. The beast looked extremely distressed. It lay flat on its back, its arms were strapped with thick leather cords to its body and the cart.
    It had lacerations all over it, from where it had been rubbed against the narrow tunnel's walls.

    "New-new orders, now-now. Malgrix no want, snakes, find-find this tunnel. Need, start-start attack now-now." Spine-Spines chattered.



    Snoot-tender-paws watched with great amusement, the inexperienced Skink infiltration teams, as they stealthily moved into positions studying the decoy he had set for them.

    Fat-toes had lived up to his name as intended, the rest was easy for the old veteran. The trick had been in not making their tracks look too obvious.

    The slave rat-men had been most grateful for the hoods and scraps of robes, snoot and his rat-men had distributed to them from the supply cache, even more so for the several crates of apples and rotten bread.


    "Trap, trap trap trap!" The badly mauled yellow Skink shrieked as it darted past Claus Dukemhausen and strike team Zilla.

    "Positions!" Team Zilla's leader yelped. The Skinks quickly found a mound of earth and hid behind it, their heads peaking over with their blow pipes aimed at the jungle in front of them.

    Claus got into position at one end of the small hill with them. He watched the trees, sweat pouring down his brow.

    "snap, whisp, krrsshhh" The noise of something moving through the forest at speed. Lots of somethings. Now in the early morning light about five hundred yards in front of them Claus could make out, what looked like forty or so shapes, and two very big shapes.

    There was no getting away now. He watched the skinks as they began to train their blow pipes in the direction of the oncoming foes.

    With that Claus gabbed the pipe from the troop leaders mouth.

    The Skink hissed and angrily swiped to retrieve its weapon.

    "Nein stop! " Claus said in a sharp whisper.

    Standing up, holding the pipe at either ends with both hands, he brought it down over his fat knee, snapping it in two, then discarded it.

    "This is not a time for play games! This is time for Hamborgen lead!"

    Claus produced a leather bundle from inside his long coat, and then a wooden box from his pack, he laid it down on the jungle floor in front of the curious skinks of team Zilla.

    "Look! I only can show you this once!" Claus snapped.

    He unrolled the leather bundle and displayed the eight ornate black lacquered muskets. He took one of the pistols and quickly demonstrated to the skinks the process of stuffing gun powder into them and then the metal ball.

    "You see, then you past it to me, ya?" The skink leader nodded, quickly the other skinks, being highly dexterous loaded all of the pistols as Claus had showed them.

    Claus hid himself completely behind the hill.

    The approaching rat men had seemed to slow some what, as there seemed to be some kind of confusion with one of the big shapes.

    "Ok, tell me vhen they are near those yellow flowers." The Skink leader nodded again, noticing the yellow flowers were awfully close to strike team Zilla's hiding place.


    The Skaven scuttled forth. "Here-here!" A clan rat pointed to some dots of fresh blood on the ground. "Keep moving!" The leader of the rat men ushered his rat men forward in the new direction.

    "AAGHHHHHHE, TWIT, TWIT, TWIT" He stopped and turned his snout to witness a horrific scene of one of his rat men being eaten alive by one of the huge Rat Ogres.

    There was a sickening sound of bones crunching as the monsters huge teeth tore apart the feast. A hooded rat-man with a frail like whip, desperately stuck at the beast trying to regain control of it.

    "That's, three-three of my rats today! that thing kill more of us, then-then the serpent-men!" The agitated troop leader squeaked at the pack master.

    The pack master ignored the troop leaders comment, and continued cracking his vicious whip on the beasts back. It stopped chewing and dropped the half eaten, still squirming vermin from its mouth, and started to follow the rest of the rat-men again.

    Trench-tail followed a few rats back from the rat-man taking point. The stifling heat of the jungle was nothing he was not use to,
    the mosquito bites however were most annoying.

    He noticed an odd scent in the air, almost like a man-thing. Quite pungent he thought to himself.

    "Careful, somethings off here!" He squeaked. The rat-mens steps became a bit slower and more deliberate. The scent began to get lost,
    in its place a strong smell of floral perfume.

    He lowered his eyes and looked at the large patch of yellow flowers a few yards in front of him.

    There!, he could just about sme...

    "click click"

    Trech-tails eye darted to a mound of earth on the jungle floor, for a tiny moment he could just make out the shape of a large figure in a hat.

    Then it was as if time stopped, and a fiery demon of the forest itself had come to life.


    Trech-tail watched as the rats in front of him seemed to dissolve into pieces, bits of their bodies flew through the air, accompanied by a fine red mist.

    "PISTOLEN!" a booming voice came from where the figure had been standing, now, in its place was a thick cloud of black smoke.


    This time several rats to the side of him fell to the floor. Trench-tail watched as one rat man fell with a huge crater in his chest.



    Trench-tails head felt light, he wasn't sure if he was dreaming. The world seemed loose, more like scenes flashing, instead of one continuous stream.

    It was all he could do to squeak "Disperse, Charge!".

    Casting his gaze directly in front of him, he saw the clan rat who was taking point, make it to the base of the mound, the pathetic creature charged into the cloud of black smoke, raising its sword arm to strike down the obscured assailant, not realising its
    arm had already been blown clean off, in the opening volley of the Hamborgen Hand Kannons.

    The point rat disappeared into the black smoke for a moment, before it came stumbling back out again, a yellow Skink with its legs wrapped around the rat man's shoulders, was mashing it's head with a small black club.


    To Trench-Tails horror the booming sounds started to rapidly increase, He watched in confusion as a pack of two dozen rat-men

    accompanied by the two Rat-Ogres and their master mounted a frontal assault on the mound.


    from the black smoke, quick flashes of fire as the heavy projectiles threw the rat man back into each other.

    One of the Rat-Ogres was making loud guttural screams, it's jaw hanging loosely from it's head. A moment later several huge chunks exploded off it's torso.

    The second great beast leaped over the rat-men corpses, in burning rage to tear apart the source of the obnoxious noises.

    First of all its arm was torn off at the elbow, a moment later one of the beasts legs was dismembered at the knee cap. Yet still it continued to crawl with its one arm.

    Trench-Tail watched for a brief moment, as the figure emerged from the smoke. One of the serpent things was standing on his back, catching fresh pistols and drooping them into the figures hands, as soon as the figure caught them KA BOOM KA BOOM again.

    It then dropped the red hot pistols from it's hands, as two more of the serpent things caught them and carried them off with merciless efficiency.

    The figure pressed one of it's musket pistols against the head of the mutilated Rat-Ogre. "Click KA BOOM!" The creatures head burst like some exotic fruit, spraying the figure and the skinks, with blood and chunks of brains.

    Trench watched dazedly as the pack master turned to flee, dropping it's many tailed whip in the process.

    There was another bang, this time the projectile hit a huge black and yellow flying insect that had been disturbed by the commotion.

    The insect exploded in a ball of black juice. A moment later the Pack Master fell clutching his neck, the insects thick, needle like stinger, buried in the rat-mans throat.

    Trench-tail watched as the figure stepped back into the smoke, there was another "click" sound.

    Then there was only darkness.


    Claus stood looking down at the eight wounded pistols around his sandaled feet. A moment of nostalgia filled him, as he thought back to
    when he had been presented them as a gift of accession to Grand Professor.

    One musket for each of the eight vampires, he had slain to earn his tenure. He studied the beautiful ornate craftsmanship, now ruined, the intricately rifled barrels warped by the heat of repeated use.

    They had taken months to make, a collaboration between the master gun smith Roger and Papa Torbias. After each pistol had been finished with the fine lacquer they had been rushed off to Hamborgen cathedral, where Papa Torbias had prayed in fasting six days over each musket, that they may never miss their mark.

    A gift truly worthy of any Witch Hunter, maybe even the finest Witch Hunter Hamborgen had ever produced.

    "One hundred and thirty!" One of the yellow skinks of team Zilla cried!

    "But there are some more bits that might make up more rats. Maybe many more rats!"

    Claus raised his head to watch the skinks, who had been busy scoring the number of dead rat-men.

    "Ya, its time to move on." Claus took one last look at the pistols, then turned and continued the journey back towards the Temple Of The Restful One.


    "Bang bang! You die!" Claus watched the Skinks from team Zilla in front of him, re-enact the battle. One of the Skinks had made himself a hat out of folded palm leaves. He also wielded two of Claus's ruined muskets, the Skinks had collected as totems.

    "I want to be Claus Dukemhausen this time!" Another Skink protested.

    "Ya guys, I hope you zee now. Sometimes a fat person can be cool alzo." Claus said in a soft rounded voice, that quivered a little from exertion.

    A couple of the Skinks looked up at Claus for a moment, then continued their game.
    Last edited: May 9, 2020
  19. hanskurt

    hanskurt Member

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    The Rotten Cunt Juice bobbed up and down with the small waves on the calm sea.

    Alfred was in his cabin again.

    "Somethings never change." He mumbled to himself, as he raised the pipe to his mouth. Toking hard on the foul fumes, after a moment he exhaled
    large plumes of smoke. He felt the nagging cravings subside and he drifted away into another world...


    "Saskia! you look divine! You will shine as the brightest star tonight I am sure!" Bertrand exclaimed on seeing her daughters costume.

    "Mama, please! I am sure I look ugly." Saskia said frowning as she looked in the mirror.

    "Are you crazy! I know you are lying! you do not think that. Major Elijah will be so grateful you are doing this."

    "Now hurry up!, the coach to take us to town, will be here in half an hour. I go to make sure your father and brother, have at least gotten their pants on yet."

    Bertrand finished and closed the door, leaving the young woman staring in the mirror, as she agonised over which of her powders to apply to her pretty face next.

    "Look!, your not still at your desk! your writing can wait! tonight is Saskia's big night. Don't be so selfish Orlow." The thin dark haired man stood up from his desk.

    "Fine! I could have written three pages tonight." Orlow said in a huff, as he threw down his quill.

    "Your books are shit, anyway dear. No one is going to loose any sleep over a delayed Orlow Blum novel." Bertrand said casually, leaving the study to find her son.

    Orlow discarded the critique. What did she know anyway? Maybe if he hadn't wasted so much of his life trying to panda to an ungrateful bitch, he might have been able to
    develop a talent, he thought to himself.

    "If I had mine times again." Orlow sighed to himself. Then cursed himself for his lack of originality.

    Ideas started to fill his head, maybe he could write a book about an aspiring writer whose wife ruthlessly sabotaged his writing ambitions!

    Yes!, and then years later the writer realised his marriage was all a waste of time. She was only interested in him for his wealthy family, and easy life style, he could offer.

    "YES!" He said out loud! The ideas were swimming around in his head like tadpoles, in an early summer stream.

    Yes and then our hero, he find out his wife was sleeping with other men all along. But he is such a good man, he pretend not to notice because he loves her so much.

    And then in the end of the story, she finally came to realise, how wonderful the man she married was, but its too late! yes, he does not care for her anymore, and wants to just be free, like a butterfly!

    A strong pang of deflation washed over Orlow, as his unoriginality dawned on him again. He realised he was describing every man's life.

    The secret all men come to know, but few were interested in talking about. Who wants to hear about that crap, he thought to himself. People want to escape reality, not be buried by it.

    He sighed as he took his plush jacket from the back of his study chair, and slung it over his shoulders.


    Thomas sat on the floor of his bedroom, playing with his toy soldiers. On the floor he had arranged two rows of five soldiers armed with long
    musket rifles. Next to them was a dozen or so soldiers wearing smart berry's and wielding huge long swords. The general of the army was a gnarled looking man, with an eye patch, his neat moustache and beard were worn beneath deep scars. He rode a handsome stallion.

    Thomas lifted the figure and began to move it as if trotting. "MEN!, Today we fight! I Borris am here, by Sigmars will alone. We must destroy what comes to get us."

    Thomas put down the doll and instead picked up a figure from the other side of the battle. The wooden sculpture was of a heavily armoured knight of some sorts.
    From its helmet protruded two large horns, that ended in sharp points. He wielded a huge axe, and wore a cape of fur, made of some beast, he didn't know of.

    "I will rot your souls! for I am the darkness!, the light of Sigmar cannot clean!"

    Thomas pushed some of the wooden musket soldiers forwards. "Bang bang bang!". He then pushed over some of the barbarian like figures on the other side of the table.

    "Ahhhh, I am dying!".

    "We must reload, before we can fire again!" The boy then pushed up the barbarian soldiers.

    "Now we get you, before you can reload your musket rifles!"

    "THOMAS! WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING PLAYING WITH THOSE STUPID TOYS, WHEN I HAVE TOLD YOU TO GET YOUR GOOD CLOTHS ON" The shrill squawk of Thomas's mother was met by his bargaining skills.

    "Mama, but I don't want to go to the church of Sigmunton."

    "Want has nothing to do with it. And why can't you be like the other children and play outside? What are you going to become of yourself when you grow up?
    Why don't you take after me more? The world doesn't need another artist, or crap writer like your father." The woman finished, roughly grabbing the boy and putting on his cloths.

    "But mama, I hate the other children at the church, they tease me." The boy struggled against his mothers forceful dressing.

    "Shut up you ungrateful brat, look all I do for you. Now you do this for me."


    The carriage bumped over the cobbled streets of Sigmunton, making the short journey from the Blum's manor to the town centre.

    "But mama I don't want Philip to see me tonight."

    "Oh don't worry my dear, Philip will be as bedazzled as we all are. I am sure, Sigmar sends me a dream and tells me you will be married next summer." Bertrand continued to allay her daughters fears.

    "He knows what you do, you do it for Sigmar. He will be proud of such noble young woman." The woman gave her daughter a tender smile.

    "Ahh we are here then." Orlow said with forced enthusiasm.

    "I am so nervous I am shaking!" Saskia cupped her hands over her mouth.

    Her mother climbed out of the carriage and extended her hand to her daughter.

    "Come now child. And don't worry."

    "Ahh Orlow! My talented friend. I have been waiting forever to read the next instalment of the Goblin And His Wife."

    "Eli! Thank you for such kind words. Yes you know its a terrible time at the moment for publishers. I offer to pay for printing and distribution of my book, and they tell me
    that books sales are so low at the moment, they can't even afford to proof read any of my books."

    "Oh dear! maybe I should make new law that people must read the works of refined men, and not ruffian upstarts, who rely on cheap hooks, like sex and violence to tout their work." Elijah said jokingly.

    "Yes you should!" Orlow said, with an intensely serious face.

    Elijah continued to smile and then turned to look at the young woman now walking towards the church entrance.

    "Ahh the main event! an absolute treat for the eyes." Elijah said with a satisfied grin.

    "Yes I keep telling her she is beautiful, but she does not listen" Bertrand said to the mayor of Sigmunton.

    "Oh Saskia, come now, don't be so coy." Elijah said winking, as the young woman gave him a excited smile in return.

    "And look its Thomas! did you like the present I give for you?. Have the brave soldat's of Middenland defeated the barbarian invaders yet?"

    The boy looked at the major, "The invaders always win, because Boris and his men need to reload their musket rifles."

    A smile flashed across Elijah's face. "Oh dear, we wouldn't want the savages to win would we?"

    Thomas stood mutely thinking for a moment. "But what if the savages want to win?"

    "Well, yes I suppose they do want to win. But Borris will stop them!" The mayor finished patting the boy on the side of the arm.

    "Let's go inside and take our seats, Papa Edmund is about to begin the service."


    Orlow sat at the pews, remembering to say praise Sigmar, at the cues left by Papa Edmund. They can have my body but they can't have my mind, he thought cleverly to himself,
    as he sat replaying Elijah's words over and over again in his head. Yes I have got it! Why did I stop work on the Goblin And His Wife?

    That's great material. More then great in fact its golden!. Some of the best words ever put to paper. I will conclude it and it will change peoples lives.

    I Orlow Blum, will be the greatest story teller Middenland has ever known! Yes, so, no time like the present. What happens next.

    The Goblin is in his cave, and let's see, his wife is cooking mushroom stew. And.. and.. yes! a dwarven sailor. Right a dwarven sailor called
    Mario. And Mario walks into the cave and the goblins wife looks at him and says, "Would you like some stew?" that's fantastic!

    No one would ever expect that. And then Mario says that he can help the goblin make better shoes! And then a donkey walks in the cave and says...

    A donkey? wha...?

    Orlow rolled his eyes, Papa Edmund's retelling of Sigmar the lamb, who rode through the dessert for thirty days and nights, had rudely inserted itself into his creative process.

    He was dragged back, into the service once again. Orlow felt intense boredom wash over him. He imagined himself standing up and running out of the church.

    He could just live like a peasant! People would say, The Goblin And His Wife was such a profound work, it sent the author insane in the process of creating it.

    He would live free, maybe scrump apples from gardens. What about ink and parchment though? hmm.. A problem indeed. Maybe he could buy several years worth of supplies and keep them in a barn somewhere.

    Yes that was it, he would buy a farm, and then he would live like a vagabond on the farm.

    Orlow looked around the pews, these rich privileged bastards, don't know what its like to live with nothing like me. I have to live on a farm with nothing but my words to look forwards to.

    A slight tear filled the corner of Orlow's eye. What a wonderful man, his only calling in life was to make other people happy through his art he provided for them.

    Orlow could not wait to start his new life. Looking over the church attendants again, filled him with loathing.

    Who are these people? why do they do this bullshit? He watched as an attractive women stood up and went to receive Papa Edmund's blessing.

    Oh please no! I don't have to listen to this turkey brained idiot's epiphany on how Sigmar wanted her to donate her left overs to a stray dog again.

    Orlow sunk back into the uncomfortable pew again. You know Mario is such a perfect name for a dwarf, he thought to himself.

    Only I could have thought of that name. Anybody else would call a dwarf Dalgon or Ruvol. Right, where was I. So the goblin and the dwarf become friends,
    and the goblins wife becomes jealous of their friendship. She tries to have an affair with the dwarf, but the dwarf is a stand up ma.. he is a solid dwarf, who instead tells the goblin of his wife's
    misdeeds. The goblin is most grateful and they decide to ask his wife to leave the cave, so that they can instead turn the cave into a zone for creativity and artistic pursuits.
    And it would become a place of renown throughout the old world, where ogre, dwarf and orc alike could come together as friends, and work on exciting projects together.

    Orlow thought for a moment. The only problem with the story as he could see it, was he needed to add some kind of plot twist. Maybe one day some Chaos warriors could come to the cave, and they would fight against them to defend the cave!
    No that was no good. Everybody will be friends. So even Chaos warriors would want to take part in the creative cave.

    Wait! that was it, papa Edmund could come with his piece of shit book of Sigmar, and try, to start brow beating the free creative fellows on the merits of wasting hours of your life each week to hear about someone who doesn't even know who you are.
    He then starts preaching that all men must take a wife and have time sink children. He tells them to be a good family man, and always listen to your wife, because she knows better the divine will of some big mouth, with a golden hammer.

    Yes! and the men in the cave pick up rocks, they chase papa Edmund and his gang of charlatans away form the cave. No one is hurt except that papa Edmund passes away peacefully in his sleep that night.

    Orlow frowned, his story was starting to become to complicated to keep track of. He wondered for a moment if other writers had suffered as he had.


    At last, after two hours the first part of the service came to an end.

    "Kinders, its time to play now, in the garden of Sigmar." papa Edmund walked over and took the wooden beam off the back door to the church.

    Thomas watched as another boy, a few rows in front of him, made a mean face at him, while punching a fist into the palm of his other hand.

    "I want to stay in the church." Thomas cried to his mother.

    "Out now, with the other children." The reluctant Thomas stroppily walked to the back door, and into the churches lush garden.

    "Is that all of them?" papa Edmund asked.

    "Ya, yes.. yes" different women in the church called out to confirm.

    "Perfect!" papa Edmund slung the heavy wooden beam across the back door locking it firmly.

    Two priests in attendance then closed the large front doors and locked them in the same manner.

    Papa Edmund began to disrobe, underneath his long white robes, revealed his grotesque old body, covered in grey hairs and unsightly lumps of fat. The only garment he was wearing was a red thong.

    He picked up a flute that was leaning against an empty seat and began to play some flamboyant music.

    Next three exotic naked men walked to the centre of the stage. They stood with arms crossed. "Good luck" Bertrand said to her daughter.

    Saskia stood up and began to walk over to the three men.

    Philip watched with great curiosity, as his betrothed began to partake in the orgy.

    "Wow look, what you have to look forward to son, when you are married." His father said nudging him with his elbow.

    "And so it is, we all share in the love that Sigmar allows us to share." Papa Edmund said laying the flute down beside his pulpit.

    Elijah sat at the front of the church, facing the patrons. His eyes filled with delight, as he feasted on their idiocy.

    Orlow waved to Saskia, how many of these bloody tedious orgies do I have to watch, he thought to himself. He watched one of the participating men make
    a screwed up grunting face. The man he thought to himself, didn't look so dissimilar to how he had imagined his dwarf Mario to look.

    Maybe Mario the dwarf could do something where he had a screwed up face from... well exertion I suppose. Orlow thought to himself.

    Yes maybe the dwarf would make that face, when he was trying very hard to think about, what to write next. The idea was simply ghastly, as if something as
    majestic and noble as literature, could be linked to such base animal desires.

    The performance finally came to an end. The participants shook hands, and then went to return to their seats. The beaming Bertrand, met Saskia half way down the isle with a thick woollen towel.

    She draped it over her daughters shoulders, and lead her back to her seat on the uncomfortable pews.

    "And now, we give back to Sigmar. For you all here, are blessed, blessed in the love of Sigmar. You are successful because you are blessed. That
    is proof of Sigmars love. But who does Sigmar hate?" Orlow watched, thinking how ridiculous Papa Edmund looked in just a red thong.

    "Sigmar curses the lazy, the selfish. Those who would judge us! and not understand what we do is about love."

    "Today we offer one such man to Sigmar. His body is as cursed with decay, as his soul is rotten." Papa Edmund raised his arm, and two of the town guard dragged in
    a hooded and bound, shirtless man. His skin had a sickly grey, greenish hue to it.

    Four priests dragged a wheeled altar to the centre of the stage. The hooded man was then tied in a star shape, to the four corners of the altar.

    Papa Edmund produced a sharp scalpel from somewhere in his pulpit, and walked over to the altar, his grotesque buttocks wobbling with each step.

    "Now it is with great humility I offer up this parasite to Sigmar!" He began to make an incision, at the top of the mans chest, he carefully brought the implement downwards.

    "Arrgggggghhhh" The man cried out in pain.

    "You see this rubbish, he feels the pain of being absent from Sigmars light."

    "Now we take his blood, we will drink his blo..." Papa Edmund stopped dead. Eyeing over the screaming bound man, he looked again.

    It can't be he thought to himself. There was no blood.

    The sacrifice began to violently shake.

    "What is this! he is cursed!" Papa Edmund watched as his face began to turn white.

    One of the guards raised his halberd in preparation to decapitate the cursed man.

    "What on earth is this! Kill him!" Papa Edmund shouted, The guard brought the heavy cleaver down, and the severed hooded head fell, landing with a small
    bounce on the cold stone floor.


    Thomas and the other children played outside the church. Some of the older boys had climbed a tree and were pelting the other children with conkers they were picking from the branches.

    Thomas wondered away from them, and hid behind a large holly bush that grew next to the tall church railings surrounding the garden.

    Thomas pressed his head between the black railings, and held onto them with his hands.

    He day dreamed about his barbarians. He wondered where they were from. What life was like for them. Why did they want to destroy the Empire so much.


    Inside the church of Sigmunton One of the towns noble men stood up from the pews. "Yar was a good performance, I thoroughly enjoyed myself."

    "What, can't you see what's going on here? don't you see the dead are walking, and your offering your imbercilic critique of the evening?" Papa Edmund said, looking stunned at the noble man in his
    velvet green suit.

    The audience was silent, unsure weather the performance was still ongoing or not.

    "Yar, don't worry so much about that, the vagrant is not undead at all."

    "What, he bleeds no blood when we cut him open, have you ever heard of someone walking around with no blood?"



    "In the place your going soon, when I summon my master and kill you all horribly."

    Kirkah's sumptuous green velvet suit, began to give way to rotten stinking robes, as he relaxed his concentration on the concelement spell.

    "Guards seize that man!" Elijah shouted at the top of his voice.

    The guards began to make their way towards the filthy, stinking impostor.

    "Yar, so you want to fight huh? well I got just the person for you then!" Kirkah's right hand extended and a small doorway between the old world and realm of Chaos took shape.

    A heavily gauntlet'ed fist emerged from the darkness, and gripped hard to the edge of the rift and began to pull itself through.

    The guards hesitated for a moment, their knuckles white from gripping the shafts of their halberds so tightly.

    Orlow watched on, pretty good performance tonight he thought to himself. I wonder who wrote this play. I bet it was that cunt from Rothengart.

    He get's all my work. That guy fucked up my career. Actually this performance is shit, Orlow told himself.

    "What are you waiting for! Kill him!" Elijah screamed, as he ran quickly to the rear entrance of the church. He struggled with the wooden beam to release the door. It seemed like some kind of goo was stuck to it.

    There was a loud clanging sound, as the heavy metal warrior pulled himself through the rift and fell to the ground a few feet below.

    Vullox stood towering over the short towns guards men.

    No good at all, cheesy attempt to build tension Orlow told himself. This would have been vastly improved if the antagonist was wearing silk slippers. Yes! so out of sync, it would be genius.
    And then he wore the silk slippers from when he passed a damsel who had been hit by stage coach, and the slippers were all he had left of her.
    This is my next book! The Silken Foot, no.. no wait, the slipper warr.. no.. wardrobe warrio.... Foot feelings? FOOT FEELING? that sounds like something
    a Hafling would come up with!

    "Yar so you can't go through the door, we are gonna torture you pretty bad mate! HAHAHA" Kirkah said warmly. Elijah looked like he had just shit his pants.

    One of the towns guards now swung his halberd as hard as he could over his head, it clanged noisily against Vullox's shoulder pauldron, the violent shock wave ran, up the wooden stick making the guard release the weapon from his grasp. It clanged to the floor.

    Alfred brought down his large first on the short mans head. The sound of the guards spine braking as his head sunk into his body was most realistic Orlow thought to himself.

    The other guard threw his halberd and ran to the back of the church, pushing Elijah out of the way as he tried to release the beam barring the door.

    Alfred lifted a bowl of holy water that had been sitting at the end of one of the pews, it began to bubble and then burst into flames, he threw it over a few noble men and women in front of him.

    The church goers, had finally realised that what was unfolding, was not part of the entertainment. They screamed like drowning rats, and began to plead for their lives.

    Alfred grabbed two crying nobles from their seats, and held them over the flames, the soles of their shoes began to melt, as their trousers burned.

    The stench of burning flesh was intoxicating. Vullox released them into the flames, he then grabbed more of the sobbing men and women and repeated the process.

    Bertrand screamed as the metal clad monstrosity reached to grab Saskia.

    "Oh please Sigmar, I have followed you, with all my heart, please save me now." Bertrand prayed clutching her hands together in front of her face.

    "I don't think he hears your prayers." Alfred said throwing the young woman into the flames.

    "Sigmar, I don't understand why you take my daughter, but I still beg you to forgive me for my sins."

    "Sins? You worthless cunt, you can't even stop lying, when your trying to tell the truth." The terrified women opened her eyes and looked at the towering figures horned helmet.

    "What do you mean?" She asked timidly.

    "Vell, ya, what I am trying to say, is that, you don't want to be forgiven for your sins. You want to be absolved of responsibility of your own choices and actions." Alfred said sincerely.

    "How dare you judge me!" The women squawked instinctively.

    "No, you have not understand what I said at all, but its ok, I have a solution." Alfred said lifting the middle aged women from her seat.

    "No please! I spoke to soon. I see that your right now, I am wro.." Alfred tossed the screaming Bertrand into the flames.

    He turned again to face the thin balding man who was sitting next to her.

    "Thank you for murdering my wife." Orlow said, an air of positivity washing over him. "You done me massive favour. Burning was probably a bit over the top. But no good crying over spilt milk I suppose."

    Alfred stopped for a moment. "Ya, so what will you do with your life, if i decide not to throw you into the flames?"

    Orlow pondered for a moment. "I will give up my writing career, which was just an escape from the hell of my wife, and I will spend every moment I have teaching my son not to be the man I let myself become. A weak man who was always too scarred to tell the people he hated to go and fuck themselves."

    Orlow extended his hand to the knight of Chaos. "No its ok, I can see now, that your somewhat not a cunt. You can go." Orlow stood up.

    "You know, I haven't enjoyed life in so long, I wasn't afraid of the flames. But I promise you I will do my best to live each day now."

    "Go!, go and live the life I didn't." Alfred said patting the man on the back, he watched as Orlow walked to the church's main doors, Kirkah released the spell holding the beam.

    Alfred watched as the man took his son's hand. "Wheres mummy daddy?"

    "She's gone with saskia far away. I don't think we see them again. Now do you want some ice cream? WOW! ICE CREAM"

    "Yea!" Thomas said, looking through the church door at the huge barbarian.

    Alfred raised his gauntlet to his helmet and saluted the boy. The doors slammed shut again obscuring the barbarian from the boys view.

    Alfred turned to papa Edmund who stood frozen in front of his pulpit. A blank expression of terror written across his face.

    Alfred noticed the mark of Slaanessh on his red thong.

    "One thing I never did understand with you lot, You seem to have zero self awareness. What do you think you are working towards?"

    Alfred continued. "I mean even Kirkah, who was a psychopath, that overdosed his own brother and grandmother on poisoned toad stools, sort of understands his path to damnation."

    "Where did you think you were going, holding sex parties and sacrifices in a church of Sigmar?" Alfred looked at the frozen pervert.

    "This really pisses me off, when you people look surprised to see me. Its like your shocked by getting wet in the rain."

    "Kirkah throw this one in with the condemned. He is a true asshole, and has earned a true assholes send off."

    Kirkah walked over to the cowering papa Edmund. "Yar so, you goin to the land of the demons then? They gonna think your hot stuff with that there thong on sonny jim!"

    "NO PLEASE! I DO ANYTHING!" the papa begged at the top of his voice.

    "HAHAHA, Anything? Ok then. I won't send you to the realm of Chaos. I am gonna send you instead to the biggest orgy club in Kislev. Its so sordid, that
    Marrienburgh sailors have been known to faint, on entering the establishment. That's a fittnig punishment for a pervert I think. You have so much of it, you will get sick of it."

    "Yes a terrible punishment, I will surely learn my lesson there." Papa Edmund quipped.

    "Yar step this way then, and its for your own good, all that crazy stuff your about to see, you earned it!" Kirkah opened a portal in beside himself.

    No sooner had the portal finished forming, Papa Edmund leapt through the dark void and into the realm of Chaos.

    "Right then, that just leaves you." Alfred said as he snapped the guardsman's neck, who had been struggling to escape through the back door.

    "Why are you doing this? whats so important about this small town and this small church?" Elijah questioned calmly.

    "In all truth, nothing. There is nothing important about me, this town, you or this church." Alfred said calmly.

    "I mean, in the grand scheme of things. I am sure our story has played out a thousand times before, and will a thousand times again."

    "Our story?" Elijah interrupted.

    "Oh yea, you poison me and my children. Well, you supplied the poison to my wife."

    "Your wife?"

    "ya, Louise."

    "Oh yes Louise, now I remember, she said that she wanted to do it, but I try to make her to sto..."

    "Please, I think we have heard enough begging and pleading for lives for one night." Alfred said holding up his open hand.

    "Now really, there is nothing I want from you, that you can give me, that I am not going to take myself anyway."

    "So why are you still bothering to speak with me?"

    "Well, all that time in the Chaos Realms. It made me think. What ever I do to you, its never going to compare to all the time I have wasted thinking about you.
    I wasted centuries or millennia thinking about you. And now I meet you. I realise, I know nothing about you, other then you kill my family and almost me as well."

    "SO? why do you care who I am?"

    "That's just it, I want you to know me, and me to know you. So I am going to grant you the gift of eternal life."

    "I don't understand." Eli said, his voice full of regret.

    "Well don't worry about that, now you will have an eternity to work it out."

    Kirkah had walked over to where Elijah was standing near the door to the garden.

    "Inject it with the poison" Alfred nodded to Kirkah.

    Kirkah produced a long rusty syringe. He held Elijah by the neck, the man struggled a little against Kirkah's grip, but seemed to know it was pointless.

    Kirkah stuck the syringe into the side of Eliah's head, and pushed down on the plunger, pumping the green urine like liquid into the restrained mans head.

    "We don't need that, any more." Alfred said pointing to Eilijah's body.

    Kirkah, pressed the man against the stone church wall, and using his heavy plague knife, decapitated him. Elijah looked down as his headless body fell in a heap on the floor.

    He felt a strong pounding in his head, his face also started to feel swollen.

    "Lets get out of here." Alfred said to Kirkah. The two of them walked out the front entrance of the church and onto the streets of Sigmunton.

    The head of Elijah, began to spin from left to right, as Kirkah walked, his hand buried deeply in Elijah's hair.


    Vullox and Kirrah strolled casually through the burning streets of Sigmunton, Chaos Warriors clad in green armour ran rampant slaughtering every living thing.

    "What, ya do now, lordy?" Kirkah said.

    "Well, I suppose look for the mother of my childrens." Alfred said melancholy.

    "Well, give ya something to look forward to then."

    "Ya, sometimes you build things up so much and they are never as good as seem."

    "Ya, sometimes." Kirkah said, a mischievous smile crossing his bloated lips.

    "But, sometimes they are even better."

    The head had now swollen so much, Kirkah had to carry it with two hands like a barrel.

    The two misunderstood souls walked to the end end of the main street of Sigmunton, and arrived at Sigmunton harbour.

    "Got something for you, mi lordy." Kirkah said, proudly pointing at the Spirit Of Saint Sigmar.

    The mighty galleon's huge sails, stood twice as tall as any other ship in the harbour.

    "Kirkah, its amazing!" Alfred said, admiring the the ships mighty prow, and finally realising why Kirkah had been speaking like a pirate all day.

    "Ya, I know, I saw it on the way in, and I thought of your stories you told me so many times, about how you wanted to be a sailor." Kirkah said, full of affection for Alfred.

    "Come on, I want to show you, sumin." Kirkah ran across the gang plank, and on to the spacious hull of the ship.

    He took Elijah's still growing head, and instructed some of the warriors already on board the vessel to attach it to the back of the ship with some large chains.

    "Now he can always be with you Alfred."

    "Thank you so much Kirkah."

    "What ya gonna call this thing anyway boyo?"

    Alfred stood silently for a moment, he looked over at the great swelling head still expanding.

    "I name it after the reason we are all here. The Rotten Cunt Juice."

    "Right you arrr, Lord Vullox, Captain O'tha Rotten Cunt Juice."

    Last edited: May 10, 2020
  20. hanskurt

    hanskurt Member

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    "Are you going to feed the ducks, Falky?"

    "Yes! Mrs! Kurt!"

    "Aye, feed those greedy ducks again, I need to start my own bloody mill at this rate."

    "Ha ha, well i'm sure they will spread the word far and wide for you." Mrs Kurt, said smiling softly as she looked at the young boy.

    "Mein goodness, he looks so much like him." She said, realising to late her mistake.

    "Nil's i'm so sorry. I shou.."

    "Nah, your alright, right let's go and feed these bloody ducks then."


    Nil's watched as Falk approached the over tame ducks, and handed them the small pieces of bread from his little white pouch.

    "Look! it's the bad duck again!" Falk pointed at a particularly large and greedy duck, as he fought the other ducks to stuff as much bread into his bill as possible.

    As Nil's watched, he felt himself suffocating. Mr's Kurt's poor choice of words had opened the wound again.

    "Right, little one, guess who's going to be spending the rest of the day with Mr's Kurt again, while I go and fetch some wood?"


    "Aye, that's it."

    Nil's took the boy's hand and lead him back to the Kurt's farm.


    "It's ok Nil's I understand. I am sorry, it was so stupid of me to say that."

    "Right, I be goin than."

    Mrs Kurt watched as the heavy set dwarf, turned around and headed back into the woods.


    Nil's pushed the twigs and branches out of the way. He felt himself start to shake again. He looked up at the sun through the trees and felt the
    tears flooding down his face and into his beard.

    He finally arrived, at the little clearing in the woods, he had become so familiar with. He put his hand in his pocket and produced his flask.

    His stubby fingers, white and shaking, he fumbled awkwardly trying to release the tightly screwed on lid.

    The dwarf fell to the brown leaf covered floor by one of the big pine trees. Sobbing bitterly, he chugged hard on the flask.

    He coughed as it went down the wrong way. "Arrrggghhhh" The dwarf yelled, as if someone had stuck a dagger in his stomach. He laid prone on the cold
    dirt floor of the woods, nursing his grief.

    Last edited: May 14, 2020
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